Art of Manliness - Latest Comments in 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

Setsu — Mon, 09 Dec 2013 17:59:44 -0000

"Invite cuddling with her without making it a precursor to sex."

Oh man, that's a big one. Thank you for mentioning it.

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

Flávio — Tue, 12 Nov 2013 11:50:47 -0000

Great article. But I got to say that the comments are the most interesting bit, they show how much people are commited to porn, and prefer to stick to it than even trying to make their marriages better.

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

Jasper — Sat, 19 Oct 2013 18:29:26 -0000

I will remember this article until the day I die. Thank you

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

Betty — Fri, 27 Sep 2013 12:50:27 -0000

Silly type: *is NOT an excuse for ending a marriage. Hopefully my point was still clear!

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

Betty — Fri, 27 Sep 2013 12:48:59 -0000

@J.D.
Hold up - I understand that marriage is a two way street, but making a woman maintaining her weight a prerequisite for fidelity is just wrong. Marriage is "in sickness and in health", first of all. A person who would leave another person for developing cancer would clearly be a jerk. With weight, some may argue that it's a lifestyle choice, but women who have children, especially after the age of 25, aside from pregnancy weight gain, face hormonal challenges that make it very difficult to maintain their former figure/weight. Sure, if someone has an eating disorder that leads them to self destructive behavior, like alcoholism or drug addiction, then that person needs help. This is not a free pass for infidelity though - this is an opportunity for you to man-up, honor your commitment, and stay with your spouse despite rougher waters.
Still, some people may argue that weight gain can lessen attraction and that you have to fill that void elsewhere. You know what else can lessen someone's physical attractiveness? Aging...disease...pregnancy (stretch marks, hyper-pigmentation splotches, occasional hair loss) and NONE of those are reasons to cheat on your spouse or end the marriage.
Any real man should be able to conclude that general weight gain of any sort is an excuse for ending a marriage, and even in extreme cases, it is not an excuse for infidelity. No pun intended, be the bigger person and stand by your spouse if they're having medical problems.

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

joshc — Sun, 01 Sep 2013 06:41:11 -0000

what about a dual military couple? i deploy for 9 months come this november, and she deploys about 3 months after i get back. this is our first time being separated for so long, we've been together for two years.

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

Aaron — Fri, 30 Aug 2013 02:37:45 -0000

I think the key to understanding fidelity is to recognize that we have two separate "programs" that govern our relationships. The first is the mating program that drives us to fall in passionate love, have sex, and produce babies. This program has a shelf-life of 1 - 2 years, just long enough to produce offspring and perhaps stick together for the first year after birth. Once the program has run it's course, the couple has fallen out of love and are primed for another round with another partner. The ultimate goal of this program is drive us to produce lots of babies, not have long-term monogamous relationships. If left to it's own devices it will push into the arms of new lovers every 1 - 2 years (provided we can find a willing lover).

The second program is the "attachment/bonding" program which originally evolved as a way of ensuring that kin would care for babies long enough for the baby to reach maturity and fend for itself. This program is about caring and love, not about sex and passion. It is more subtle than the other program, which makes it harder to cultivate, but it must be cultivated if you want a relationship to last. If your goal is to maintain a monogamous relationship, then you will have to find a way to deeply cultivate the attachment program with your spouse, while simultaneously suppressing the mating program's proclivity to push you away from your spouse and into the arms of another lover.

This article is basically advice on how to do just that. Of course, it assumes that monogamy is your goal. But to me the advice seems relatively sound. Monogamy is really hard...it is not for the faint of heart. Being monogamous AND cultivating a deep bond with your partner is even harder, and this article acknowledges that.

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

tanya — Tue, 27 Aug 2013 13:13:24 -0000

I love this article! It expresses everything I feel is right to make a relationship work. Both people need to give 100%, be interested in their partner & not take sexuality outside the partnership. And I agree with Northern Guy that not all people belong in long term relationships. I think about 80% of people aren't designed for it. Now the rest of us 20% have to just find a like minded soul & not be decieved.

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

Scott Caser — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 02:39:23 -0000

Thumbs up! Well done. I learn something every time I take the time to read your posts.

Very nice and helpful. I'll be sharing this with my Facebook Page fans and Tweets.

I wish I had seen something like this when I was married.

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

Tasha — Sun, 26 May 2013 02:18:18 -0000

Thank you so much for this post. It was helpful for me, as a woman, to read this so I could internalize certain things for myself as well. It's also nice to know that I'm not being unreasonable in thinking certain things should just be standard in relationships. I know every man is different, but I like these general suggestions because, as you say, why risk it?

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

Sergio — Fri, 17 May 2013 00:34:55 -0000

This article is about what I can do to keep myself from cheating. However, I don't have an issue with this & have never had thoughts of cheating on any of my past relationships. Has there been a follow up article on flags/signs to see if your partner is cheating? If not, could you do one? My most recent relationship was the first time I've been cheated on (or at least 1st time I caught it). I'm really laid back, so maybe I trusted her too much & gave her too much freedom. Had never questioned her wanting to hang with friends or party, but suspicions arose & sure enough I caught her... but man, was she a great liar before that lol.

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

Endi — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 23:17:32 -0000

Wow! Fantastic article. I'm giving it to my husband to read. I can't believe this was written by a man! How in the world did you get inside our brains! Anyways, all you men out there.... doing all of these things should make almost any woman in the world do back flips for you! But beware! A smart woman can tell if you are not being sincere, so when you do these things, you need to try to mean it! Cheers to all of the real men out there!

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

jasmine — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 22:03:51 -0000

Hey, omg your website is amazing. especially because you guys are telling the truth about how men SHOULD be behaving especially in a relationship. I especially enjoy it because its not based on christianity. so many guys think that all these things youve said in theis article are rubbish that only christians should care about. this is REAL. the effects of pornography on men in relationships and single men is REAL and dangerous if you really want a healthy satisfying relationship

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

Charles LeDoux — Mon, 07 Jan 2013 17:07:35 -0000

If you haven't, you should look at the book [Holy Sex!](http://www.amazon.com/Holy-... by Gregory Popcack. (Spoiler: It has little to do with the act of intercourse.) Yes, it's a Catholic book about sex. No, it is not prudish, nor does it read like it was written by an old nun.

The book is basically an explanation of what the Catholic Church's view on sex *really* is (Hint: it's actually very pro-sex), and why that viewpoint is awesome. Every point Brett and Kate made in this post is presented and expounded upon.

If you're worried about the "preaching" in this book, let me set your mind at ease. It was written in a style that seeks to inform, not convert. Regardless of your religious viewpoint, I consider "Holy Sex!" a must read for couples.

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

Northern Guy — Sat, 06 Oct 2012 00:36:41 -0000

A big part of the problem (the 800 pound gorilla in the room) is that some people are never meant to get married - especially some men. Some men *believe* they can fall in love with someone because of their inner qualities but either change their minds (or figure out otherwise) or she loses her looks and he finds out what he really liked. I've met women, too, who claim to want long term relationships yet are inept at obtaining them, and other women who openly admit to losing interest in the man after the "honeymoon stage" is over.

For myself, I think I always knew that marriage would be a stretch. As long as it feels like you're making a big sacrifice to be there, you really can't give it 100%.

Some people are born to run free and have no damned business getting married - or even being in long term relationships. Some conveniently call this selfishness or immaturity, but to me that's backlash from a crowd of hurt people who wanted to go for the long haul with someone who won't, or simply can't.

It's taboo to be the "not marrying" kind in our "get hitched and have kids" society. It's even more taboo when this person marries and finds this out too late - after the honeymoon is over.

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

paul — Fri, 21 Sep 2012 14:12:39 -0000

Thanks, my marriage has gone through a rought ime recently, but you have given me some ideas to help to work through our problems together.

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

Steven — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 14:25:15 -0000

Recently I heard something that every man needs to hear:

Women need communication the way men need sex. Talk to your wife every day.

Not having a conversation with your wife for a week would be for her like not having sex for a week for you.

Make time to talk.

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

HarveNYC — Sat, 15 May 2010 09:10:05 -0000

The Photo you're using is In-Laws.
They were married in 1945 and are still together
I'm certain neither of them would mind your using their photo, you should have asked.

Don't you think that would have been the "Manly" thing to do ?

HarveNYC

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

SD — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 10:57:59 -0000

I start masturbating thinking about other women after I'm into a few months of my relationships. I would never cheat because I don't want to make the same mistakes my father made. But I think this is cheating as well and I feel guilty.
I don't know how to improve myself. I'm not a douche.
Maybe I should cut out porn or lower down my libido somehow. It's really hard though. I'm 20.

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

John Johnson — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 15:08:42 -0000

Great article. I don't want to patronise you, but I am proud of you.

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

Ralph — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 13:44:17 -0000

Hey Brett first off i want to tell you i have enjoyed the information i have read on this site and man talk about hitting home with a lot of this info. For awhile now my wife and i have been going through a lot of things that would end most marriges. We have been married for 5 yrs and have had good times and it seems a lot more bad times. I feel sometimes maybe we get caught up in all the negative things in our marrige that its hard to find the good things anymore. In our marrige i have made some desions that one should never make. I have never slept with another women other then my wife since we have been married. On the other hand i have been involved emotionally which i know is just as bad. At one point in my marrige i would have blamed my wife for that now after checking myself i have found that the things she has told me that i thought was nagging i now know i was way off in left field for ever thinking that. I am very sorry for the things i have ever done to her and would spend forever making it up to her. Its hard for her to trust what i am saying and doing because i have burned her to many times. i am so close to losing her that it worries me to no end. Not so long ago somthing that i cant explain happened that made me realize just how much she does mean to me. She and our kids will be leaving at the end of April to move while i stay and work til i can find another job the last thing we need is for me not to have a job. You know i have told her how much i want to work on our marrige and she tells me she wants to believe me but its hard which I complety understand on her part i understand it will take time for her to truley believe me and who knows it could be to late which would only be my fault I will continue to work on becoming a better husband and to show my loving wife that her and our kids are my life and thats all that matters to me. I know what kind of wife i have and the last thing i want is to lose her. thanks again for the great great info i will put what i have read to use i know if i really want this marrige then i will do what ever it takes to prove that to her i love her so very much

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

Wes — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 08:22:26 -0000

Just stumbled upon this browsing the site and I think it's a good post. But come on Brett, "cuddle-rape"? I find it well below the character you and Kate have shown to make light of the very serious problem of sexual assault. When an issue affects 1 in 4 women in their lifetimes, and 1 in 12 men, it should be taken seriously at all times (US Department of Justice statistics). I guess I've just come to expect better from you. Keep up the good work.

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

JC — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 17:48:04 -0000

@Geemoney -- does your faith also demand random capitalization of words? Or is that just some side effect of working so hard to convince everyone that you've completely repressed all natural impulses?

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

kirsten — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 15:50:19 -0000

quit porn
while i doubt very much that watching porn together is bad for all couples...... most of the time even when it started with watching porn together, it ends up with the man (and sometimes woman) watching porn alone...
and that is taking sexual gratification out of the context of the marriage, where it belongs.

if you are not getting sexual gratification, or sexual thrills from it, it isn't porn, right?
so obviously if you are viewing reading whatever porn, you are seeking sexuality outside of your marriage.

if you are being open and honest with your spouse, then perhaps it wouldnt be so bad.. but you know.. i have NEVER met anyone who watches porn alone, who was honest with their spouse about it. ever

and as to not harmful?
dude, if you are taking your sexuality away from marriage, thats bad
you are lying or concealing things from your spouse, thats bad
and you are meanwhile developing a rather unrealistic idea of what your sex partner should be like....

and lets not forget the other problems.
like my friend who lost his job when they found porn on the work computer.. porn he had sworn to his wife he wasnt watching

Re: 14 Ways To Affair Proof Your Marriage

Brandon McMinn — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 02:42:21 -0000

Thank you so much for writing this article! My brother had told me about this site so I decided to check it out. It has helped me out and gave me a new way of thinking. Thank you so much, keep up the blogs!
Thank you!