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The separate accounts issue is kinda like a pre-nup...this one can cause some problems with the whole "our love is forever" thing. If she says "don't you think we are going to be together forever?" and/or "well then, what's the point of getting married?", it's time to ease up a little and try a different approach...learned from experience...
John (another one)
I manage the household finances (budgeting, money allocation, food purchases, etc.), though he pays our joint bills.
He also manages our investments. Me? I just say 'dump it in an index fund', but he prefers to much more involved than that! So he does it.
@ angelina- I'm glad to hear that it worked out for your friend and her husband. I hope to get my financial situation to a position where I can own a cabin in the woods, too.
I have never been the most financially savvy man in the world (Which I owe to my folks who were always very quiet about money when I was growing up) and It wasn't until my wife and I sat down and started working on YNAB together that we began to see eye to eye about our goals with money. We now work out a budget at the beginning of each month and then spend a few minutes each Friday entering expenses in the program. It helps us keep each other honest and moving forward on our savings and financial goals.
If you're like many of the baby boomers' children and didn't get a solid financial education growing up then I can't recommend something like YNAB enough for getting you in touch with money.
In general:
Financial accounting software will let you see where your money is going (and where it went), but it doesn't tell you where it's going to go. eg. Quicken, http://www.gnucash.org/
Budgeting software tells you how much you have and where it's supposed to go, but won't tell you where it has been going. eg. http://www.youneedabudget.com/
You would never enter a business contract with someone who wasn't willing to shoulder the responsibility for the relationship equally. Likewise, you wouldn't want to enter a marriage where either party ignores the joint financial commitment.
Discussing money is never fun, particularly when it can so easily become a wedge between to people. At the same time, the money conversation is just as important as the kids conversation leading up to the decision to get married.
Your post has made it much easier for me. Thanks
My wife is a stay at home mother. Does that mean that she can't have any money at all? Heck, it's 'MY' money, I earned it! If she wants to spend something, she can go out and get her own money! I don't think so.
Believe it or not, a woman can actually survive after her husband is dead, even if they only had one joint account.
All that crap aside, you absolutely must communicate with each other about the budget. Money problems can be really hard on a marriage, but you are in it together. Everything is together. You are now one flesh. Communicate about everything.
I go much further that that. I find that commercial morally offensive, as if the marker of whether you should marry someone is a score assigned by a corporation. He even says, "I married my dream girl", but, instead of being incredibly happy and thankful, and together working through her past mistakes, he sits whining and wishing had his dream house, instead. Not much of a man, methinks. He should-a spent some time reading your blog.
(I actually didn't see that commercial for a long time, and figured they pulled it cause even freecreditreport.com saw how disgusting the message is, but it's back. Can't say that I'm surprised.)
Don't you preach that a man should use a certain level of decorum in his communications?
Taken from your book:
"Avoid profane language. Profanity is a mark of low breeding. If
you must swear, avoid doing so in front of ladies and small children."
Perhaps you are taking the viewpoint that ladies and small children do not frequent this site; I also understand that "douchebag" may not necessarily be considered a profanity, but it is not a word I would use in front of a woman.
Please understand, I would bet that I use profanity more than the average person, I was just surprised to see it in your posting.
Just my two cents...
I admittedly use "douche bag" a lot in both my writing and my verbal communications. Perhaps it is a weakness, but truth be told, I just find the word really amusing. It doesn't seem crass to me, it just makes me chuckle. I do use it around most women, although I probably wouldn't around children. The former do read the blog, while I doubt the latter do. To me douche bag it up there with "damn" and "hell" which aren't grievous swears and instead can be use to pepper your communications now and then. But I respect that everyone's tolerance level for certain words is different and every man must make up his own mind about which words are appropriate.
Perhaps I was being a bit of a prude; however I have been frequenting the AOM quite often lately and am trying to curb certain habits. I do believe that there is something to be said about a man who understands the art of being a gentleman. I also believe that many of the women that I know appreciate a man that understands this "art".
G-d knows that I use plenty of foul language in front of people (women included). It is something that I am trying to control moving forward. Maybe this was a personal case of the pendulum swinging from one extreme to the other.