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Thanks for the kind words, glad you enjoyed it!
@ Riley,
Sounds like an awesome story, I'll have to do a little research on the guy. One of my favorite reads in high school was "Into the Wild" by Krakauer which was recently made into a movie....sounds like a similar story to the PBS one.
Alaska is definitely a place all it's own when it comes to understanding the power of the wild. The mountains, lakes, glaciers and animals are bigger than anything in the lower 48...it's very intimidating in a sense and humbling...but in a good way.
The suburbs rob you of privacy and the God-given right to run your house YOUR way. My parents have to pay money to a homeowners association that does absolutely nothing for them. Neighbors frequently let their children run through their yard and let their pets do their business. They play basketball in the street, use foul language at high volumes, and drive by blaring horrible music through speaker-destroying bass systems. Police frequently ticket cars in their own driveways whenever even an inch of sidewalk is taken up. Salesmen and religious hustlers harass them at will. And I think one thing I've learned from living in the suburbs is that the modern definition of a neighbor is "someone who doesn't know how to mind their own business."
Simply put, suburbs rob men of their most precious right, TO BE LEFT ALONE. Communities are no longer bastions of togetherness, they're giant social clubs that scrutinize and then judge you based on your social, financial, and religious standing. The concept of living in neighborhoods is completely antithetical to me as I'm VERY territorial. On the forums someone asked what one would do if gangstas started spraypainting their fence. First question I'd ask myself would be exactly how did these thugs find their way onto my 10 acres of property, and then of course I'd grab my shotgun.
I'm also fiercely solitary. I have no problem interacting with the outside world when I choose to join it in transit to work and school, but I feel that my home should be completely free from any elements that I do not wish to include. Quite frankly, I can't see why anyone who values their privacy woud want to live in the suburbs anymore.
I always thought I would get back to the countryside I came from one day, but given my job it seems impractical. But I'd hate for our soon-to-be-born son to be as ignorant of country things as many of my friends.
Wrathbone, I don't have a homeowner's association (and wouldn't). But I still can't let a dog run free, raise goats or chickens, or shoot the deer browsing in my garden.
That is even more scary than facing down a grizzly bear.
My house is slap dab in the middle of Tampa, right in the heart of the city. Its quiet, but its still a pretty active and diverse community. Couldnt do without it.
There's something important in this idea for this blog and this readership, I think, though I'm just firing this off quickly so I don't expect to be very articulate about it. IMO there are few things more manly than being an attentive, involved, and caring father to your kids. It is difficult in a way that you can't imagine, at all, until you're several years into it. (Or I couldn't, anyway.) It's rewarding like that, too. It's critically important to the future of civilization, etc., all those attributes of something manly. And for your danger / putting-yourself-in-situations-outside-of-your-complete-control jones - don't worry it comes in spades! Grizzlies, ha! Try Chuck E Cheese with a dozen five year olds, and try maintaining the attentive, involved, and caring "good dad" part from start to finish. Now *that's* an adventure right under your nose...
Best regards, and thanks for sharing.
Thanks,
Doug
I personally believe that the concept of "total control of one's life" is a complete illusion. There is no "total control", no matter how much we may delude ourselves otherwise.
Children playing on a lawn, or pets relieving themselves on your property, only become big issues if you choose to focus on them.
Nowadays, life in the suburbs is only marginally safer than living in an urban area. Criminals have vehicles and often choose to go where the pickings are easy - e.g. the suburbs and quiet neighborhoods. And traffic (crazy drivers) are everywhere.
I'm not trying to be an alarmist, but I wouldn't rely too heavily on safety in the suburbs for your daughter. Too many tragic news reports have revealed only constant vigilance is acceptable protection.
From my own personal experience, I can tell you that home invasions occur in "safe" environs, even security-protected areas. And, no matter where you live, illness and accident can occur. It takes a real man to muscle-through a heart attack and rebuild his life.
Just so you know I am not a doomsday proponent, let me assure you that I've weathered several criminal attempts on my life. (I'm a nurse, NOT in law enforcement.) My husband has endured 5 heart attacks and open-heart surgery and we've come through fighting. I have Multiple Sclerosis, in remission, and we enjoy every moment of life we can share together.
My words of advice are not to delude yourself that ANYWHERE is totally safe (or emasculating). Life is designed to be exciting and dangerous and thrilling. Control is an illusion. Enjoy the ride!
That is the most troubling thing I have heard in this blog. 'Dominance' is not what being a man is about. I for one, looked for a companion that would not let herself be dominated over. if I ever have kids (which I don't), I would teach them to never be dominated over, whether by me or someone else.
I do like the article, however. Spontaneity, though not directly mentioned, is my solution to the proposed "suburban mentality" of safeness and redundancy.
For me, spontaneous decisions keep me, as a man, happy. As an example, I am working this summer in D.C. from Texas. I decided to plan a trip to New York and decided to stay in a hostel. I wanted to keep the trip cheap and to stay clear of the touristic cores. I decided to stay in a Hostel in Harlem. To make a long story short, I ended up walking 4 blocks in Harlem, which despite what people say really is a rough neighborhood. It was 2 in the morning on Saturday night (making it Sunday, but you get me). Stupid, yes. Spontaneous, definitely.
And its the times where we risk something, no matter if its getting mugged or getting kicked out of somewhere by rent-a-cops that give us the best experiences and memories of our lifetimes. For fathers, it could be those times when you treat yourself or your child to something that really makes a difference in their lives. Something out of the norm is what they will remember most.
We don't live in a time of war, we can't say that we survived Iwo Jima or a bomb attack in Iraq. Its the moments where our securities are jeopardized and redundancy compromised when we get the fullest out of life.
Agreed 100%. I spent a year living in Bolivia, where life is anything but predictable and controlled, and it taught me so much. More recently, I did wilderness therapy with a bunch of crazy at-risk youth in a desert for weeks on end. Now, I'm living in a suffocating suburb with my mom and looking for a "real" job, only to find that even a short time of 'burbs + office may be too much (or too little?) for me to handle... we shall see.
Anyway, liked the article a lot! Looking forward to reading more from you.
-Neil
“Ruling your job, family, and social life with an emperor-like authority and dominance.”
Cameron says he once thought that is what manhood was about, but he then goes on to refute that defintion.
Growing up and living in Queens NYC, the one thing your life is not, is predictable.
Every time I step out of my house and take a bus, adventure is bound to happen.
If I'm not walking on abandoned train tracks, I'm meeting a 90 year old pink hair wearing grandma who wants to tell me about the time she went to South Africa to stop diamond smugglers.
So glad that you understood my conclusion. It seems that quite a few readers have felt that I'm advocating leaving the suburbs as the only way to keep your manhood intact...this is simply not the case.
I tried to make the point that while trips to Alaska or other wild places are a great way to leave the controlled environment, there are thousands of opportunities right under our noses...even in the suburbs!
I agree that the suburbs are an extension of our decision to settle down which isn't bad, just can't let it lead to a "settling down" of or spirits.
I even inspired my sister to move more into the city (she's in Dallas) and she's never been happier.
What I have found that kills my manhood is my sit-on-my-ass-in-a-tiny-cubicle day job. But...that's a whole other story.
Acquainted with the Night
by: Robert Frost
I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain -- and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.
I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.
I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,
But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
O luminary clock against the sky
Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.
My cure for this is rebellion in pieces. As standard dad issue I do NOT and will NEVER own or drive a minivan, EVERRRR. I instead bought a crew cab pickup truck. I get away to the inlaws place so i can fish, snowmobile and swim at their lakefront property. I dabble in woodworking and actually use my garage as a workshop and not a storage area. Yep, I always joke that the necks are a little redder on my side of the street but at least I have the calim that i "still have a pair".
Kudos, good article!
Zendad
http://www.zendad.net
Great idea. I played football in high school and still miss it. Sports, especially contact sports, make you feel alive.
You're right on the money, sports are incredibly effective at getting us out of our comfort zones, especially more physical ones as Brett mentioned. You sound just like my father-in-law, haha! He is a South African and a huge Springbok fan. You Aussies, SA and New Zealand have some great rugby teams!
This is why weekend sports sports is so popular. Men park themselves in front of the TV and get their blood pumping watching other men do things.
George Carlin had a good line about that. He said, "You always see fans after a game shouting, 'We won! We won!'. No, they won. You watched."
Wozza, Brett, and Schaefer, you are right on the money. Don't just watch other people play, go out and do something.
You are not where you live.
If you define yourself in terms of the length of your coffee order, and you define your manliness as a function of your domination of some barista, I have news for you:
You are doing it wrong.
I don't care how many Alaskan pony-mosquitoes you killed.
Mr. Goetz is from my suburb! A nearby metropolitan newspaper gleefully interviewed him to make the point that suburbanities are subhuman. I sent him an email and my advice to him is the same to those of you who buy into the myths about suburbia... Simply get rid of your car (and all motorized vehicles).
The suburbs are too safe? Try crossing multi-lane roads, even at the designated pedestrian crossings. Need a manly challenge? Try carrying your groceries a mile or two from the store in inclement weather.
From your incoherent comment I honestly can't tell if you like the suburbs or hate them. At any rate, I don't think you understand the point of the post.
As far as jumping the shark...if that's the case, when would you say we had our glorious peak? Do enlighten me.
It was a joke as in "haha"...guess you didn't think it was that funny.
That said, I agree with the author's point about the manhood-numbing effect of a life without challenges. At the age of 40 I felt like life was beginning to pass me by. It had all become too safe, too dull and too easy. So I decided to do something about it. First I did bike rides across Kansas and Missouri. Then with the encouragement of a supportive girlfriend (now my wife), I decided to pursue my childhood dream of getting my pilot's license. I also decided to marry said girlfriend and start my own business. No guarantee of success in any of those ventures, but I'm a lot more challenged and happy than I ever was before I stopped playing it safe.
Risk! It's what being a man is all about.
As for this blog's peak, I would say it was the article about soda. I also enjoyed the articles about pocket squares and pull-ups. I'm currently reading a biography of Teddy Roosevelt, as also mentioned on this blog.
Thanks for the clarification. I get what you're saying now.
As far as our "peak" goes, I'd just like to point out that the pull-ups post was posted only 2 weeks ago. So it's a little premature I'd say to think that in the last 2 weeks we've suddenly fallen off the wagon. Like any publication, some weeks will be enjoyed by some readers more than others.