Art of Manliness - Latest Comments in Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Tue, 20 May 2014 02:28:39 -0000

I would just like to add that men need to be careful about how they treat the women they are not attracted to. Guard all women's hearts, treat all women with dignity not just the one you are trying to impress.

Many insecurities in women are brought about by the rejections of men before we meet the right one. Men be mature in your rejection not like adolescent boys. This will go a long way when you eventually have a wife and daughters.

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

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Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Josh — Sat, 10 Aug 2013 19:11:05 -0000

This article definitely rings true with what I've seen. Ladies need and adore compliments, honest and thoughtful, from their men.

I'm gonna have to call out your comment on porn as broad-handed and religion-driven. I think that the God-fearing mans perception of porn, as used by the majority of men, is terribly misconstrued to be how it is used by an ill-set minority. When men choose porn over women, that is an ill-set situation in my opinion. If porn is used when a woman is not available, I find this completely healthy. In the latter scenario, I would argue that it is merely a means to an end rather than an end or an escape from reality. I'll use myself as a case and point: I'm working an internship far from home and my girlfriend, so our relationship has become long distance until i return. I did not even ponder it when I was in town with her, but I "use" porn a lot now but merely to satisfy urges. However, when I'm done, I'm done. I walk away from it like I do the toilet. Does anybody remember what they were thinking about last time they were in the bathroom? What part of the wall you stared at? Not likely. The details of what I watch fade immediately because that's not why I was viewing it. The only details I seem to ever remember are whether the women looked like my girlfriend or not.
I do not think porn can be broad-handed-ly banished. It has a place in my mind and some psychologists agree. There is growing research on "healthy amounts of porn" google it.

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Dillon Colbert — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 23:52:56 -0000

@Patricia you are forgetting a very part of Alistair Crowely's teachings he said, "if it harm none, do what thou wilt", also Alistair was not a Satanist, he was a type of pagan, yes, his teachings are very well respected amongst the pagan community, his "lady friend" actually encouraged his acts of adultery. amongst pagans their is mentality of, "if it makes sense, in a logical way, a spiritual way, and may or may not depending on your view points conflict with quantifiable scientific research". In my humblest of opinions relating to morality porn, masturbation, even ogling a woman who is not your partner is wrong and severely harmful to either party. take my observations for example, they aren't the end all reasoning to this, but they are mine and at least on this you can trust me, in my experience the majority of pagans are female, the ratio of heterosexual men to homosexual men is 2:1 of those who are straight the amount that masturbate, with a relationship or without are far less than males and even females who are Christian, Jewish, Atheist, or Mormon. think about that you're condemning pornography as bad and giving the reason that is not Christian, oh excuse me satanic, and then stating a quote from a prolific author of modern day paganism, certainly not the founder and certainly not a believer of Satanism. In the future if you are going to quote somebody, please know what your talking about, you never know who is going to read it and whose feathers you are going to ruffle, I don't go around saying that Christians are bad because one of their major writers butchered people for a living or even because MOST of their writers butchered people for a living, I don't demand that Yahweh is evil because one of the ten commandments which every believer of the old testament says that I'm going to be selfish and if you worship somebody who isn't me then I'm going to kill you, or the fact that elohim is in a plural context at the beginning of the bible and is in fact a plural word in Hebrew, no that's not what I say is bad or illogical about the bible.

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Leah — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 17:06:20 -0000

Not bad, I think not so much the porn but the fact that women don't want to date someone who has lust issues, it all starts in the mind... I want a man not a horny little boy with no respect for me.

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Brendon — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 14:46:14 -0000

I agree with the porn comment. It is a shameful thing to do, espeically when one has a wife. It is outright cheating. Those of us who are Christians know that even looking at a woman with lust is committing adultery with her in your heart. So if you're watching porn, you're committing a complete act of adultery in your heart. Where your treasure is, your heart is. Additionally, it ruins you psychologically and strains your relationship. When you finally do turn away, you will always be plagued by those evil images. Men who look at porn, religious or no, lack self control - they lack control over their very being. And if you can't control yourself, then what do you have? If you're a slave to your own desires, you are not free. As far as I am concerned, if you have a wife and she knows you look at porn, you ought to be honored and humbled by the fact that she has not dumped you yet, and loves you enough that even though you cheat on her in your own heart, which is supposed to be her heart, she has not left you. You ought to turn from your perversion and apologize to her, and God. After you quit watching porn, work on eliminating lustful thoughts that are not about your wife altogether.

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Tito — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 14:45:50 -0000

@Jonathan: Spot on. I agree completely.
@Brett: I only recently started reading this site and the posts are, at the very least, thought provoking. Great article, thanks.

Having read at least the first half of these responses, I'd like to say that, from my relatively inexperienced point of view, when you're with someone who is sexually satisfying to you, you will have no desire to use pornography. I know people who think otherwise and seem to have relatively healthy relationships, but this is the kind of belief that goes back to the core of this article: modern chivalry. Those people I know who regularly use pornography also don't engage in any activities that seem to me to be grounded in a sense of chivalry. You've got to live right - by your own standards - but don't try to say that looking at other women naked is part of a chivalrous life. To those that warn of potentially "unstable" women that can't deal with "such a small thing" as pornography in their man's life: man up, grow a pair, and show that you can sacrifice "such a small thing" for the relationship you have with your woman.

To address the rest of the article, I know that women can, and do, defend themselves, both physically and emotionally. However, as several posters have noted, and I myself have been told by girlfriends in the past, they enjoy feeling like their man wants to and can protect them. Being there for support and protection is not the same as attempting to control your partner.

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Jonathan — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 18:49:31 -0000

Setting completely aside the issue of whether pornography is something that can or should be included in a relationship, have any of you been to a porn convention or met someone who works in the porn industry? I have a friend who is working to rescue people from that line of work, she's out living in L.A. and sends me horror stories of people she's met who have been so twisted and emotionally bankrupted by the industry that they don't know who they are anymore. Those who leave the industry and start rebuilding themselves look back at who they were and shed tears over their having been rescued.

Solely on the basis of knighthood (something I am very big on) and standing up for my principles and what's right, I can't excuse the use of porn because of what it helps perpetuate. Not to mention dignity, which has already been mentioned - I have watched porn myself, and when I have, it's like I'm standing outside my body and thinking not "this is wrong, I should stop," but rather, "this is disgusting, why am I reducing myself to this?"

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Dave — Tue, 18 May 2010 16:51:01 -0000

Gaurd her self esteem? Come on this is a tad rediculous. Princess want to burn her bra, then princess is tough enough to hang with the guys. You ladies have been the ones blurring the gender lines. For the most part men take pride in being able to protect and provide for their women and children. Women stop telling men how to be men. Men stop buying into the whole it's ok to cry, get in touch with your inner child stuff. Men need to know how to protect and defend. In fact, I suggest that every man who reads this post punches the next guy he see's with a manicure. Here is the Gods honest truth. Women do not want what women say they want. In my opinion there is an attraction to women when they can tame the beast. Once your domesticated however they quickly realize that this is not all it was cracked up to be. Men are just as hypocritical. We do not want easy girls. They might get our attention for a date or two, but men like the pursuit, and the challange. As far as protecting your self-esteem the answer is in the question... SELF It is not called everybodyelses-esteem for a reason.

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Bergie — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 22:03:55 -0000

I took a very critical look at the "article" you showed at the top there... much different from yours, but our sentiment towards media is similar: http://bergesca.livejournal...

You guys are amusing. =)

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Erik — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 23:17:30 -0000

As Terry Jones said in the TV documentary Crusades, a knight was someone who 'was trained to destroy the weak'. The Crusaders themselves he described as 'heavily-armed professional killers'.
None of which stops the reality of chivalry from being awesome, in a horrifying kind of way.
This means that perhaps we should all bear in mind that a real knight would probably have been more likely to give his 'lady' a violent backhander if she ever started carping on about how fat her ass was. (Courtly love was aimed at impressing *other men's wives*, not your own).

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Lizzy — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 15:29:10 -0000

I am a woman as my name suggests. I very recently became aware of this website. I think this article is interesting both for its content and the comments it inspired. I guess I think that it can be distilled down to two basic ideas for relationships whether one is male or female. 1. Be a positive force in the life of your significant other. 2. Limit the number of things that you do which you know makes the other uncomfortable. Honest communication is at the center of all of this. It's hard to develop but well worth the effort. The individual activities described in this article were perhaps chosen because they are common causes of conflict in many relationships. Maybe they are starting points by which manly men and womanly women can examine their behavior and become better partners in life. I can think of situations I've seen where men and women have both chosen to put certain things aside for the sake of a relationship. Maybe not forever, but I always admired that they recognized something that wasn't helping the situation and removed it so that more important matters could be dealt with without added and sometimes painful distractions. This article is about learning to die to self for the sake of another. It's a very attractive quality in a man or woman and something that the me generation ought to consider more closely. (I am in my early twenties.)

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Margo — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 00:17:42 -0000

Though I like many articles on this site, I find this one a little off-track in several ways. Firstly, how do you make the link between "men are physically stronger, and therefore can protect the group from physical harm" to "men are meant to protect, and therefore are responsible for the emotional well-being of females"? I understand that this site promotes kindness, confidence, and competence as a part of new masculinity, but why is it "a man's role to protect the women in his life"? How is he not protecting other men? How is he not being protected by everyone?
I also find it strange that the insecurities faced by the women mentioned in the article seem to center around physical attractiveness and body image, as if this were the extent of "emotional problems" they might face, being less complex and layered beings.

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Jeem — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 19:04:21 -0000

Much ink spilt on the issue of pornography. Here's more, be patient.
If I may, I'd like to list the average characteristic "views" of the "porn-advocate" (based off extensive conversation, research, observance, and basic understanding of the human condition):
1) Considers porn a helpful, if not an integral part, of their relationship, and believes that it has no real or damaging effect on user.
2) The physical aspect of their relationship is the most important/binding aspect (if the sex stopped, the relationship would too).
3) Has no problem with sexual activity outside of a married situation.
4) Masturbation is not considered a disordered lack of self control.
5) Would not readily disagree with the statement,"If it feels good, do it."
6) Would hold that not masturbating / engaging in sex is repressive and unhealthy.
7) Hold that arguments made against 1-6 are religious based.
RESPONDENDUM EST:
1. We are very visual people, that is why billions of dollars are spent on advertisement. One brief pornographic image can stamp itself in our memory and be near impossible to get rid of. When you are having sex with your partner, are you sure it is you they are thinking of? If porn is not addicting, try not using it for 40 days. I dare you.
2. Sex has become a recreational sport for the majority of the western world. Why are there broken homes? Because the "glue" is often based off of sexual excitement and gratification. When that fades, and it surely will, most people think "O we're not in love anymore" or that they have failed in the relationship. Yes, sex is important in a healthy, committed (dare I say, married) relationship, but to artificially avoid the challenging times with porn is stunting the maturation of the relationship. Use these "lulls" in times of physical intimacy as in invitation to deepen the relationship.
3) Reserving sex for marriage is not just a "religious" argument (cf. 7). Sociological studies are now showing that 70% of non-married sexually active couples will end their eventual marriages in divorce. Ref #2.
4) Masturbation is exerting a real desire towards a non-real object (porn, fantasy, etc. / a "removed" stimulation) Anyone serious about bio-chemistry will recognize that a lot of hormonal activity is involved with sexual arousal, and these actions are quite a bit more powerful than imagining your next cheeseburger when you are hungry. The deliberate, habitual choice to masturbate accustoms the brian to this hormonal activity and can further weakens one's ability to channel and control their urges.
5) If you can't see what's wrong with the "if it feels good, do it" mentality, please do not procreate.
6) Not masturbating will not, despite mistaken belief, cause your legs to fall off or send you into a manic state. Learning self-control makes the difference. "Expressing yourself" sexually doesn't necessarily mean genital stimulation. Urges happen, but these can be channeled to more productive energy. It also is a psychological alarm to see if the other areas in your life are in check (sleep, diet, stress, etc. Get these right so you don't have to masturbate to cope.)
7) Morals and ethics are the ways we speak about human actions. We don't say the dog is malicious because be peed on the rug. Animal's actions can not be evaluated morally or ethically. Human being's can, because we deliberate and freely choose an action. Often, the secular sciences/sociologies support what many ethical and moral assertions claim (killing an innocent person is not in conformity with healthy human behavior). Traditionally, religion has played a role in giving voice/shape to these moral evaluations, many times contributing a few new ones. This is because the traditional Judeo-Christian religions have a higher view of the human person, believing that them capable of greater things and hence, set a higher moral standard. Some despair of a loftier vision of the human person, thinking it unattainable, and reject claims of moral objectivity on the grounds that "it's just one's religious perspective."

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Patricia — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 03:41:35 -0000

Dear all who are users of pornography and adultery,
If you believe that man is nothing but an animal and cannot control himself then obviously you would be right in saying that self-control is not worth even mentioning, why try. "Do what thou wilt" is the primary law in your book just as satanist, Aleister Crowley, said. But, if you believe in a God that will judge every thought, word and deed, and a Judge, that counts hate the same as murder and *lust the same as adultery* (Matthew 5:26), Who will punish you according to your sins (without repentance of your sins-turn from them and do right- and trust in Jesus' attoning sacrifice) then you would have a different view on these moral matters. Ideas have consequences! Your worldview matters.

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Chris Nelson — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 14:02:01 -0000

I applaud the spirit in which this has been written...let's just say men should vigilant about such things.

That said, I don't know if I would care to date any woman who would need me to do this for her on a regular basis. The trick is to be intuitive enough to know when it may required, and when she's handling things just fine on her own. Give me an article on how to be a more intuitive male...now THAT would be something I'd get into....

Oh..porn. It is an integral tool in the survival of any successful long-term relationship, whether you want to admit it or not.

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

John — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 17:42:44 -0000

This must have been written by a woman. A woman who has established a platonic ideal for both sexes that few in reality could satisfy. Seriously? SERIOUSLY!?!?!?

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Bill in Detroit — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 17:40:08 -0000

@Marine2011

My wife is not a clinging vine ... she has a healthy sense of self ... but when I bark at her, she is hurt. When I give her a genuine compliment, she shines. When someone says something foul about me, especially if untrue, she bristles in my defense and never, ever, takes prisoners. I don't stand alone and neither does she. We are married. And I am the last person she would have to defend herself, even verbally, against.

As a member of the military, you know full well the value of propaganda ... words. If a well-oiled propaganda machine can make it obvious that facing a Marine is fatal, then a lot more of the enemy (and a lot fewer Marines) will die. You, sir, stake your life on this relationship between words and actions. How, then, can you claim that your wifes feelings are independent of your words?

One of the questions you should ask your next marriage counselor (why would you need one if you were in a healthy marriage?) is when their last divorce became final. That is one divorcing profession!

You wouldn't take tips on assault tactics from me because, quite frankly, I 4F'd long ago. So, clearly, I haven't clue one about such things. So why take marital lessons from someone who couldn't keep their own marriage together?

I've been married 4 times and divorced 3. Currently, I've been married a tad over 9 years. So take it from an old soldier (with the scars to prove it) that words count. She is NOT 100% responsible for her feelings. If that were true, what would she need YOU for?

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Vinny — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 15:38:57 -0000

Geez, are is this article about parenting? Or perhaps from the '50s?

Guard against harmful media sources? Steer her away from negative friends?
That's right up there with intimating she can't make her own decisions. It's true that media and peers can send a lot of negative messages about a woman's body. How about instead discussing any concerns you may have openly with your lady.

Actions I'd call Knightly:
Ensure your lady has free time to enjoy her hobbies - surprise her by doing the dishes or cooking or laundry so she can watch TV, go out with friends, or garden (whatever it is she likes)

Offer your lady resources/support on financial planning so that she never has to depend on anyone to pay the rent or buy food.

Support your lady learning self defense - women face a lot of violence, some of it physical, and knowing she can protect herself is a huge confidence builder.

Call out your friends when they say something demeaning about women - I hear ladies love this.

As for pornography, choose pornography you and your Lady both enjoy - if she wants to watch it should be enjoyable for her too.

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Emily Fine — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 12:52:04 -0000

Though I am a woman, I love every single article I read on this site. The whole men stronger than women thing is relatively true in regards to upper body strength, no doubt, though a lot of women have strong legs as some have mentioned. However, that doesn't matter and is not the focus of the article. The article is about being a gentleman, part of that is defending women if in a physical altercation (though I'd very quickly kick the ass of someone who was trying to hurt my guy, if I was in trouble, I know he'd do the same.)

The whole of this article is pretty damn awesome. I think the porn thing is a little too much of blanket statement (as I watch more porn than my mate does) but some people have their standards and respecting their feelings is an important part of relationships in general. Again, the porn part isn't the focus of the article and people should relax and remember that these general rules of thumb will always have their exceptions and shouldn't be taken as insults to a persons character.

Keep writing these awesome articles, my boyfriend and I love them and wholly agree!

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

George — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 22:29:41 -0000

First of all, I wouldn't want to see any of my female friends or relatives degraded by appearing in a porn video.
Secondly, yes, I've seen porn, and there was a time I thought I really enjoyed it. Once you get into a really loving, committed relationship though, porn's true colors show through. Where that special girl makes you feel happy and healthy, porn leaves a void and a greasy feeling of guilt.
Overall, it's so much more fulfilling to spend the time you would've spent on porn talking to or being with your girl.

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Thisguyherenow — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 02:16:09 -0000

Wow. This post seems to have brought some blood up in a few gents. Regarding pornography: This is a form of entertainment and one men frequently use to masturbate. Truly if you're going to be in a stable relationship, it goes without saying that you should both communicate. If you're with a woman who doesn't like porn and doesn't like you looking at it but you do, the relationship won't work. In all relationships, there are ebbs and flows to attraction affection etc., not to mention it could be posed that porn has the same utility to a man as does a vibrator to a woman.

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

Jen — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 15:21:32 -0000

Well-intentioned but somewhat patronizing.

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

AmericanGothicMiss — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 04:46:21 -0000

@The Real Mr. Funk -

you are really unrefined, to say the least. do you actually believe any woman who respects herself and has dignity would ever stay around you for long? you mention ego...as if you even comprehend what ego really is about. your ego is out of control screaming like a brat with a dirty diaper. actually, I don't want to waste another minute with this reply, but I thought you should know that yes, I understand you need porn. because that's all you get.

Re: Be a Modern Knight: Protecting Your Lady in the 21st Century

A Woman — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 17:56:35 -0000

@The Real Mr. Funk -
Porn WILL ruin your relationship or marriage. It's a counterfeit substitute for the real thing and will contaminate the bond you have with your wife/girlfriend. It's a tough habit to kick, but - shouldn't that be an indicator of how contaminating it is?

Please do be a real man and stop watching pornography.