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Not a great piece of info, but I sure would like the book!
The key to this 'tactic' is that it is done not for benefit, but out of pure character.
With that said, I have found that great success can be achieved when I clearly talk at a level that is much calmer and quieter than my "opponent". This forces him/her to calm themselves, to simply be able to understand what I am saying. Being a bit quieter can also force them to talk quieter, so they don't miss something.
This goes along with being a good listener, but sometimes manipulating your "opponent" can have not only a good dividend, but both end up winning.
They taught me methods to deal with a variety of situations whether it be one on one such as with a co-worker or more often before a board trying to convince a group to accept a new advertising scheme.
The best single advice I would give would be to never lose your cool but at the same time make sure they know you are the one running the conversation. In my experience whenever I have lost control of the tempo of a conversation I have inevitably ended up coming out short of what I had intended.
other than that just try to give as much as you can while still meeting your goals.
i.e., getting a promotion, getting the best price out of services, etc.
The best influencers have good interpersonal and communication skills and an ability to get other people to want to give their support. The best negotiators are subtle, fair and know what to give away, when to make demands and how to compensate when there are difficulties.
I agree with my foreposters in that you should never forget that saying nothing or leaving is a viable tactic. At least until all parties could regain their calm.
2. Stay calm;
3. Avoid being flustered and stay focused.
Many times in negotiations, conflicting positions are based on interests which can be accommodated in some other way. For example, two countries desiring security engage in an arms race. Each one builds more weapons, which threaten the security of the other and force weapons build-up in response – it's a vicious circle. Instead, these countries can agree on mutual inspections and control of their arsenals, informing each other for military exercises, installing monitoring and early warning systems, and even controlled destruction of weapons. Once they decide that the desire for safety of each country will be respected, it's a matter of procedure and technology to reach a mutually agreeable solution.
Focusing on interests, not positions is not just a theoretical notion - it happened in reality during arms reduction negotiations between NATO and the Warsaw Pact. This principle is taught in negotiation courses in universities - that's how I learned it. I used it in personal relationships and in business negotiations. A trivial example: I am a computer professional and once a client wanted quick access to me, while I was building his e-commerce web site. His solution was that I should work from his company's office. I offered him another solution, with an on-line phone and video link between my office and his, and we both saved ourselves some expenses.
Of course, a mutually agreeable solution is not always possible. If someone is sticking to their position instead of their interest, it means their interest is not what they declare it to be. Try to find out what is going on and act accordingly. One more thing: try not to get personal. Step into the shoes of the opponents, see their choices trough their eyes. Ask them to see your options from your point of view. Separate people from the problem, insist on some objective criteria. If you can achieve this, you are half-way done.
For instance, when you get shafted by a company, sometimes it's not your money you want back, sometimes it's just that you want them to admit that they were wrong and should have treated you better.
Speaking as a teacher so far it seems; people are most able to be influenced when they think their opinion is invincible. Slightly less mailable are they when they think it is unlikely that they could be changed, and ironically when others realize that they are easily influenced, it seems that they are less likely to be so. (This is a major principle of marketing, in that most people do not see themselves as affected by advertisements.)
My chief negotiating tactic has been to identify exactly what's wanted by both parties and articulate that as soon as possible in the process. If exactly what's wanted is unknown, it needs to be discovered and quickly. It may be that neither party can give the other what he wants. If that's the case, the negotiations should cease and free up both parties to pursue other options.
Works wonders.
Before the client decides to walk you do some calculations and arrive at $100 thereby giving the perception that the client has "won" the negotiation and bargained hard for a lower rate so will feel good about the deal. You feel good as well because this new "lowball" rate of $100 still falls well within a healthy profit margin. Everyone's happy :-)
So rather than get the better deal, try and make it so both parties are happy.
For example,
I once needed to buy a bed, on the cheap for a guestroom. The lady I was buying it off needed the space, and I needed the bed. I got my cheap bed, she got space and 15 quid in her back pocket.
I got the price down not by just "threatening to lose the sale", but by pointing out that it wasn't just money she was getting but space.
Not sure how helpful that was, but there is a moral to it.
Clint!
Sly manipulation can work so long as you are prepared to take some sacrifice yourself and be extremely patient.
Recently I found that a person I once worked with took to being competitive with me, trying to be better than me at all costs. This often meant that people would question why I would put up with this guy. But by being sly, I was able to get this guy to bare his bones and eventually epically fail in his task, because I was ultimately right. And now that I don't associate with this guy, I get communication that this guy is worried about me. I'm fine.
Sun Tzu stated that keeping your enemies closer works if you are able to make the other person feel like they are winning but all the while you are gathering evidence and setting them up for and even bigger fall than they know.
Negotiate how your proposal will benefit the other, not yourself. No one cares how you fare!
This means that you have an incentive in seeing your counter-party happy and vice-versa because if you have him/her over a barrel and you really screw them they would likely exact an even costlier revenge (even to their own detriment) over future transactions.
0. Start out by laying out the fundamentals. What do you both want, what you agree on, what's the intended result of the discussion and what you're negotiating for. This will expose grey areas and can be used to guide the discussion. Also, if there are more than 2 people involved, the one who keeps the whole thing on track automatically gets a 'leader' position which can be used to his advantage when necessary.
1. Never openly contradict the other person. Always sugar coat it by saying something like "That's a good idea. Here's another method of getting it done. What do you think?"
2. Never *ever* interrupt the other person. No matter how nonsensical or pointless what they're saying might be. No matter how quickly you can cut to the chase, let them speak their minds completely.
3. Compliment liberally. Don't make it flattery but if they say something that's correct, make sure you let them know that you received it and that you appreciate it.
4. Ask questions (not all necessary) to make the other person feel as though you are listening to what they're saying and that you're interested. Don't wave off their arguments and beat them with yours.
5. Be prepared with a few things that you can give up at the outset and pitch them. Give them up when judicious so that the other person feels as though you're not being stubborn.
6. Never *ever* get emotional about the discussion and become a whiner. If the other person starts to do so, remind them that such displays are unnecessary. That automatically puts you in a position of power.
7. Stay focussed. Don't ramble. This is often helped by deciding privately or with the antagonist that you *have* to conclude in a fixed amount of time. Don't spend excessive amounts of time debating small points.
8. Be considerate. I mean genuinely. If the other person says that they're not willing to compromise for a valid reason, acknowledge it and see if you can accommodate it. Let them know that you're trying to seeing the importance of the point to them.
9. Don't be too blunt. "Your idea is too stupid to take seriously" might be factually accurate but it won't help the discussion. The reason the other guy pitched it to you is because he believes in it for some reason. Apply gradual pressure. Slow and easy. No sudden jerks or statements. They unsettle people (sometimes even you).
10. The overall result of these points is that you get a certain considerate warm fuzzy aura around you. When necessary, a sharp breaking of a rule (eg. An interruption violating point 2 above) will become super powerful. It's like the Samurai flashing his blade for an instant. Don't overdo it and let the awe the other person has of you disappear.
I'm trying to incorporate these into my own discussions at work. It's a little hard but it *does* help.
Excellent post yesterday BTW. I really connected to it.
Once you've worked out what the other guy is after it should be childs play to work out a compromise position that is better for both parties.
Speak firmly, but gently.
Concede a little where you can while still working towards your goal.
Breathe deep and remain calm.
Listen.
Do not back down.
Be willing to walk away.
Appeal to their self interest, not to your ideals.
Also, never take "no" as an answer.
Very early on in a relationship I like to 'bind' a person to me by giving them a nickname. This does two things. First, it builds instant rapport. Second, it shows the other person you're a confident leader.
The first day on a new job, I like ending a conversation with a superior who's outlining their expectations for me with a simple "You got it, Chief", or some such canned response. On a first date, I will start referring to her by either her first initial or something cute and casual such as 'Chica' during the first 15-30 minutes.
I know it sounds simple, but it's a small social cue triggered at a time when the other is trying to evaluate your social worth. I've that the people I use this "trick" on I seem to have a higher perceived social value with and therefore have an easier time "getting my way" later on down the line.
Sure there's a lot more involved in building up these relationships, but this is a handy trick to pull out of your pocket.
Ask the other party what they are wanting from the negotiation. That way you can make a proper assessment.
Know what you are wanting and willing to give to the negotiation to get to the desired goal.
Try not to take the process of the negotiation personally, let go of the ego. Remember deep breaths.
Good luck.
Negotiation very opposing to manipulation and instead should leave both parties satisfied and respected.
One of the many great points he makes in the book is to be aware of the other person's deadlines. He gives a story similar to the following:
If today is Monday and they need to come to a conclusion by Friday at 5pm, he suggests showing them around the town and taking them to plays and museums (if they're not from the area). Keep them busy and keep their mind off of the task at hand. Then, as you're driving them to the airport at the end of the week, start discussing the details of the negotiation. They'll have no choice but to give in more than they were prepared because they're time is almost up and they have to go back with something.
It's a bit dirty but I think it's an interesting way to get what you want!
Jermil
- Empathy. Take a step back and put yourself in the other party's shoes.
It has been of value to me to research and understand, ideally ahead of negotiations, what the real goals or desires are of each concerned party, behind the stated goals, and seek to bargain a manageable meeting-point which satisfies all parties. A good negotiation process should leave each party feeling they earned a solid, favourable outcome, and that nobody was burned. Approaching negotiations with a desire to impose one's will upon another is foolish, and will not result in a positive amenable outcome, rather, it is best to seek a meaningful point of agreement, or accept a failure of negotiations, and seek agreement elsewhere or with other parties. Offering something initially not on the negotiating table can be an astute means of obtaining a valued compromise, and can serve to lead to unexpected areas of new opportunity to establish deeper relationships and more successful future negotiations.
Patience, strong communications skills, a flexible position and subtle understanding of the dynamics at play will make for a solid, successful negotiator. Good Luck!
M.
Ideals of the Samurai translation by Scott wilson
"A compilation of writings of many famous samurai covering centuries of the Japanese feudal period. Most of the writings were written to be left to family and clan members as a guide in conduct and behavior. This book offers a deep insight into how the samurai thought and lived their lives, and what they held to be important. The authors of these writings range in time period from the 12th to the 17th century. Their teaching and admonitions have value for those of us who hold the warrior ideal in modern society. Softcover, 144 page"
In retrospect, it was exactly what was needed. My timing and focus in both situations were only enhanced by my physical state.
If my body didn't respond to my emotions/reasoning, I knew I was not dedicated to my actions, i.e. I was not in the moment. I think in negotiation, you need to be prepared, but ready to maneuver, to be flexible. Not a push-over, exactly the opposite. Like you are standing on a fault line, as your opponent tries to shake the ground around you.
Negotiation requires your dedication to your desired outcome, while your surroundings change in unpredictable ways.
1) Being able to listen to the other party. Not just hearing them, but giving them the attention to listen to what they have to say.
2) Even if emotionally invested, do not lose control. Be it vocal tone, language, or mannerism.
I like Sun Tzu's Art of War for this, actually. The nuts and bolts of learning how to use power are pretty well spelled out there (provided you get a good translation, anyway). The moral issues of when and why to use it, though, is another story entirely.
I draw a dot on a piece of paper.
"This is what I know about "doodads."
Then I draw a large circle around the dot.
"This is how much I need to know about “doodads” or the wallet walks out with me."
I f they talk over my head I interrupt and compliment.
"You seem like a smart guy. I bet you have an IQ over a hundred. See, my IQ is twenty or thirty at best. There is no way I can come up to your level of intelligence, so I need you to come down to mine. Let's bring it down to a level I can understand or the wallet walks out with me."
I f they try to dominate conversion/ negotiation again, I walk.
And never forget, be a gentlemen and you'll have everybody's benediction.
Before entering negotiations, imagine you and the party you are meeting with getting up from the table smiling, shaking hands, and everybody getting what they want in the end. Imagine the best possible outcome first.... then, you will know what you want to create in your meeting, and will be more relaxed. (some people think negotiation is a battle, a boxing match, to see who will come out on top. You can, however, decided to create win-win...)
I hate to negotiate if I know my time is only going to be short and I am just seeking a small and painless opportunity, so I would suggest to anyone to think about they are going to get into if they fail to conceal their true intentions better.
PS: I don't condone concealing all the time, as is the case there is always an exception.
First, you identify the incorrect idea of your opponent.
Second, you ask a question about the idea that the opponent will agree to and that contains the main flaw. You don't tell the opponent what is right or wrong, you simply ask questions.
Thirdly, you compare the affirmative statement to another similar situation, where it'll be obvious that the proposed solution is unnatural and won't work, and ask the opponent, whether it is incorrect to follow the solution in the similar situation.
If the incorrectness of the idea is obvious in your similar situation, he'll agree.
Then you simply say that if he acts one way in a similar situation, then he should act the same in the discussed situation.
As for business negotiations, it is pretty simple:
- you need to focus on the benefits to your opponent
- you need to know the opponent to learn the benefits, what he can and can not do
- you should be ready to find ways to provide more value to the opponent by keeping your ground, if possible
- if some of your points are ungrounded and unfair, you need to agree and reach an agreement that wouldbe mutually beneficial
Sorry, didn't read the 78 comments above, but if something is the same as above, then it probably is right :)
Ricky
To acheive this, I prepare myself with an example or two of what the other guy stands to gain from the deal. People like to know that they are coming out of the deal with something, even if it is a regulatory matter and they are up against a wall.
This fosters an atmosphere of voluntary compliance and an illusion of choice. And everyone walks away from the table satisfied.
Smile
Breathe
Go Slowly
Stay Present
After that, I try to remember one of many excellent Fripp-isms:
The only thing we contribute is the quality of our work.
1. Always know what you are willing to concede and those things that you hold firm in your heart. There are always things to be conceded in a "discussion," but many times in the world that we live in, people don't have those definites, tending to lean more towards relativity. Know what you will not concede.
2. Think about the other's view on the topic. What are points that you can see they would probably be willing to give in on? What are the definite strongholds for that person?
3. What is the closes point to an agreement you can come to giving up those concessions, and are you humble enough to give up more than the other in order to assure that your definites are not affected?
That's usually how I look at the mental side of a conflict. Whether it be over someone parking in front of my driveway, where to eat tonight, or what to do with my personal time (not very much of this, so it's interesting to see the conflict that occurs inside!).
If you can't bring yourself to walk away from a bad negotiation, you're no longer negotiating; you're being manipulated.
Let someone else take the credit for good ideas or better compromise, if it moves the negotiation forward. It works for me every time. I always try to keep in mind that I want what I want, and it doesn't always include the credit.
1. When you can't make people submit to your will, herd them.
2. Always give a cornered dog a way out
Respect - negotiation involves give and take, and both sides need to feel they are being heard and treated as full human beings. A respectful approach and asking each party for their position (and then listening - see next point) sets the right tone to start.
Listen - listen carefully, warmly, openly and then consider deeply. Many negotiations are more about face than about the details. The knowledge that they are being listened to will make people more agreeable.
Identify each party's goals -- again, this may be as simple as realizing that what one party really wants is respect -- the goal of a party will be expressed as a specific issue, but there is usually an underlying perceived injustice, and the canny negotiator will search for that.
Work for both sides - a negotiator, even if employed by one side, needs to show that they are honestly working to help everyone. The best solution is always where everyone feels like they won. If you can give each side what they want in a greater or lesser degree and with perceived fairness, you will have an enduring agreement.
Work towards building understanding - Harmony between people comes with understanding and knowledge about them. Disputes tend to go black-and-white very quickly, and we always dehumanize those with whom we have problems -- it helps us to hate them. Building understanding between two parties will smooth the way in future negotiations... real understanding may allow the negotiation phase to be bypassed in future.
Bonne chance!
The value of the posted comment (for this thread on ) ought to be considered; elsewise, posting only one's own name would qualify one and consequently, posting one's own name say two hundred times more than the the total number of other postings would raise one's chances considerably.
A prize that is randomly selected offers no incentive to share one's "best advice and experiences" thus encouraging the previous.
Being a competition (book give-away that must be won), one expects to be pitted against fellow warriors for the amusement of the shogun and so a win-win between competitors is impossible. In fact, a win-lose between shogun and warriors is the expected outcome as shogun loses nothing more considerable than three books while the warriors give away their tricks and techniques which may one day be well used against themselves!
Being a competition, one does not expect shogun to declare the flag bearer playing weiqi in the corner to be the victor.
Here is pugilism: a final and powerful killing blow is always reserved by the master as a self protection so that he may come to rest upon his deathbed in peace whence he would teach this blow to his most beloved disciple. That disciple would practice the killing blow only once by dispatching his master.
Here is meta pugilism: give extravagantly of your mercy, then wait on the battlefield for your sworn enemy's reply... you may well meet your forefathers and their gods here or your enemy's reply will leave the crows hungry.
Give extravagantly of your mercy, then wait at the boardroom table for your competitor's reply... and keep in mind that no agreement has yet been made, and let him cry foul to the wind for no agreement has yet been made, and allow him time to understand your mercy for no agreement has yet been made.
A win-win negotiation is not about getting and giving, nor can the giving be demanded - give extravagantly towards the relationship and even if the table sours, your enemy will return again and again. First to test your honour, second to bask in your glory and third to touch the hem of your cloak that he too may be honourable.
Let him who seeks, understand this wisdom...
A win-win negotiation ought to be of consummate value to your enemy.
Second, focus on yourself. Why do you want what you want. Is there another option. How can you make a case that your goal will also satisfy their need?
I have salvaged many a "bad" scenario by understanding how to fix someone else's problems and still achieve a victory for myself.
A piece of advice my Sensei always tells us. As a martial artist it's important. You must always know your place, be aware, wherever you are; the mood of the people, your mood, etc. In so doing, you know when to avoid a fight before the fight has even started.
The same applies in the board room while making a deal. By knowing your place, you know if to press on with a deal and how likely you are to succeed. If done right, you will never loose.
If going else where will get you a promotion you want but you'd rather stay home don't apply for the job and put it on the table at your current one unless you are willing to pick it all up and leave. You'll only hurt yourself if you go back on it.
There is lots of talk about compromise yet if you truly enter a negotiation with the thought of learning what the other party really needs from the process compromise is often not needed as the two differing worldviews will coexist if one party is willing to listen and learn what the other party needs.
For example, a scenario that most can identify with...buying a car. Often we approach this negotiation with a very negative thought process of , "man the salesperson is going to swindle me for everything I have..." This sets up a perceived conflict before the conflict actually exists.
If one approaches the negotiation with the mindset that you want to buy a car a fair price and the salesperson is just making a living (or needs to sell for a fair price) The negotiation will proceed in a friendly manner.
I just bought a car, I now count among my friends the salesperson who sold me that car. When the Salesperson made his first trip from the sales manager's office my approach was one of. "Josh...I've done some research on this car and the prevailing market price appears to be $XXXXX." "Now I know you have to feed your family and well so do I. So here is my offer....This is the bottom line that I can do. Go see your manager and please explain that this is my bottom line offer." If you need something more, maybe you paid too much for the car at wholesale, maybe I'd be willing to work off the difference. You need computer work done, or lot work done I have experience doing both...
Long story short...I got the car for 10% less than my initial offer, and all I had to do was a bit of maintenance on their computer systems...they really needed this work done and had never thought to roll that into a car deal until I brought it up. They got their computers up and running and I got a better than market price on my car.
Remember be creative in meeting the needs of your negotiating party. Listen, When you hear the person refer to something see of you can make offers that to you may sound ridiculous but meet the needs of the opposite party. Remember often times they are seemingly unrelated to topic of negotiation...
Congrats to the book winners!
It might seem like a waste of time but its amazing how much power that kind of detachment gives you.
It is just as impossible to make an effective argument while trying to convince the other person and yourself as it would be to fight with swords on one leg.
If you, yourself, are not sure that your point is true and just then your own motives must not be pure and all other virtues won't be genuine and will become a hindrance rather then a help.
Once you know that your actions are for the benefit of everyone, not just your own selfish goals, there is no longer any winning and losing; negotiations become two people working together toword a common goal.
As an example negotiating salary or a pay increase with greed as a driving force only becomes a contest of whose greed is larger; instead when you know, and discuss, what benefits you bring to a company what is good for you is now good for them and everyone is enriched as opposed to a victor and a loser.
“The tongue is more to be feared than the sword”.
Negotiation is a specialized and formal version of conflict resolution most frequently employed when important issues must be agreed upon.
When it comes to entrepreneurial talents that spell success in the world of startups, the ability to negotiate well is one of the most vital attributes you can possess. Take care to develop this skill. Some people think they are good negotiators, but in reality are not. From bringing in good people, to arranging financing or nailing that first big deal, sound negotiating techniques will be essential.
Business is negotiation. You will negotiate to buy, to sell, to conclude contracts with suppliers, to fix the staff salaries and so on. What is more, you have to negotiate with regulators, Banks, Insurances. It means that the business life is a permanent negotiation with others people who are defending their own interests.
Know the difference between an argument and an assertion.
Present your ideas in a natural order, starting with reliable premises.
Be efficient.
Utilize representative examples, while considering counterexamples.
Use informed sources that have been cross-checked.
Avoid logical fallacies, both common and complex.
Demonstrate the utmost charity towards the other, demonstrating a desire for mutual edification.
Be able to see all sides of the situation
Have a defined order or progression of your argument
Be willing to devise a new strategy
Why do we take clients golfing? Why do we network at happy hours? Why do we talk to our bosses at the watercooler? We want them to see not only that there’s a human behind that suit we wear – someone with families and responsibilities – but we want to show that we recognize their humanity as well.
In short, don’t try to screw anyone over. When you tell him where you stand, he’ll do his best to make something work for you.
2) use silence to your benefit. If you find things not going your way, stop talking and let the other party run out of things to say before you continue.
Especially when in an emotional turmoil, we must keep in mind that our counterparts do not hate us, they just happen to love themselves better.
What I try to do, whenever possible, is to make the other person think that what I'm asking for is actually what they've wanted all along. Not always easy to do, but if you're logical and quick thinking, it can be wonderfully satisfying to achieve your goal by making someone else think that it fits right in with their plans.
Also, don't be afraid to push back when necessary. In a job performance review, I had a manager who collected peer input. One co-worker and I did not get along, and when being reviewed I could tell which pieces of negative feedback had come from him. Having nothing to lose, I decided to push back forcefully on my manager to see if she would back down on that piece of info. To my surprise, she did. I pushed back on all the rest of them except one -- which illustrates another good negotation point: Don't go to the well one too many times.
I think, as cheesy as it sounds, the Steven Covey idea of "seek first to understand and then to be understood" is really important in any negotiation and is essential to everyone walking away without feeling like they got "taken."
So many disputes seem to come from not actually understanding what the other side wants.
1) Be Impeccable With Your Word
2) Don't Take Anything Personally
3)Don't Make Assumptions
4)Always Do Your Best
LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN and LISTEN, UNDERSTAND and ACT
STARE THEM IN THE EYES AND SAY NOTHING
and if that doesn't work A SWIFT PUNCH TO THE THROAT or KICK IN THE SHIN have done wonders.
When the customer says yes alot they are more inclined to continue saying yes and when the salesman puts his pitch out and tries to sell, is more likely to sell to that person. Its some kind of psychology thing.
-Frank
My advice is, before you enter into a negotiation situation, have your facts straight and know your possible weaknesses, so you can be prepared for whatever is thrown at you.
Furthermore, what if we entered an 'argument' with the goal of making our 'argument partner' look as good as possible (as dance partners should)? What would happen? Might we generate more light and less heat?
I was just wondering.