Art of Manliness - Latest Comments in Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Shawn Parker — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 18:46:33 -0000

I believe when using negotiation instead of physical force it's all about validating the other person's feelings and maintaining non-verbal communication and tone of voice in a neutral state. Validating someone's feelings about a situation can be very disarming in itself, preventing an escalation. This will provide you with the opportunity to problem solve instead of having the situation turn into a power struggle creating defensive or aggressive reactions. In many cases, I may not be able to actually solve your problem so a "win-win" would be to get through the interaction without physical confrontation and with the other person feeling heard and understood so they can go about solving their own problem with a clearer mind that isn't clouded by intense emotions.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Rocksterr — Tue, 14 Oct 2014 21:19:00 -0000

Try to place yourself in the other man's point of view and try to be humble.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Rocksterr — Tue, 14 Oct 2014 17:19:46 -0000

Try to place yourself in the other man's point of view and try to be humble.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Mr. Tora — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 18:28:33 -0000

Put yourself in the opposition’s shoes. Know your opposition and pre perceive the offer, so that when a deal is offered you will be well prepared for anything. Having keen insights and quick knowledge is always a winning combination.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Fred Putnam — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 11:24:38 -0000

In their book, Metaphors We Live By, Lakoff and Johnson note that our cultural assumption (our basic metaphor) is that /argument is war/. Hence, "Who won?", "I defended my point!", "That was a salient argument.", "Did you run out of ammo?", and the like. They then ask how we would understand a culture in which people of different opinions confront each other with the assumption /'argument' is a dance/ (I simplify). How would that change our understanding of what we were doing, how we ought to do it, and what we hoped to get out of it?

Furthermore, what if we entered an 'argument' with the goal of making our 'argument partner' look as good as possible (as dance partners should)? What would happen? Might we generate more light and less heat?

I was just wondering.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Phil Anderson — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 11:28:46 -0000

I need this book! Don't make me stop this car! Don't make me come down there!

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Robert — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 15:38:22 -0000

listen first, think about what they're saying and THEN speak....never go in like a bull...you'll lose one way or another Iif not initially, then in the end)

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

RS — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 15:54:28 -0000

Study what you are going to say beforehand, go into the discussion with a positive mindset, and reach an agreement that satisfies both parties. Sometimes in order to gain, you must lose. Simple yet effective.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Skitch Hodgson — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 21:24:03 -0000

Go into any negotiation with the knowledge that you're going to have your point put across clearly and it WILL be heard no matter what. Sometimes if you think you can, or think you can't, you're probably right.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Jonathan — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 21:09:34 -0000

It has been said, "know yourself and your enemy, and you will win every time-know yourself and not your enemy, you may win, you may lose- know neither yourself nor your enemy, you will lose every time"
My advice is, before you enter into a negotiation situation, have your facts straight and know your possible weaknesses, so you can be prepared for whatever is thrown at you.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Frank Leveque — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 16:42:04 -0000

I read this somewhere, but I don't use it much because i think its slightly manipulative. Car salesmen and other people in similar fields ask the potential customer a series of simple questions, like "do you want coffee", "aint she a beauty", etc....in order to get the customer to say yes alot.

When the customer says yes alot they are more inclined to continue saying yes and when the salesman puts his pitch out and tries to sell, is more likely to sell to that person. Its some kind of psychology thing.

-Frank

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Bryan J — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 21:44:35 -0000

Do not automatically blurt out the first response to come to your mind. It will often be inflammatory. Take a moment, briefly, to organize a coherent, thoughtful response to the other person to whom you are speaking.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Tim M — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 19:24:38 -0000

these tactics have worked well for me in a number of situations,

LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN and LISTEN, UNDERSTAND and ACT

STARE THEM IN THE EYES AND SAY NOTHING

and if that doesn't work A SWIFT PUNCH TO THE THROAT or KICK IN THE SHIN have done wonders.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Laura — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 00:17:53 -0000

Four Points of Wisdom for life that definitely apply to negotiations and general interactions. From Don Miguel Ruiz's book the Four Agreements.
1) Be Impeccable With Your Word
2) Don't Take Anything Personally
3)Don't Make Assumptions
4)Always Do Your Best

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Michael — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 20:54:05 -0000

Excellent timing Brett, I'm competing in a negotiation competition at school this semester and have found it really interesting.

I think, as cheesy as it sounds, the Steven Covey idea of "seek first to understand and then to be understood" is really important in any negotiation and is essential to everyone walking away without feeling like they got "taken."

So many disputes seem to come from not actually understanding what the other side wants.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Frank — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:32:23 -0000

Several of the techniques I've always used have been mentioned -- kindness, sincerity and staying calm are all excellent tools.

What I try to do, whenever possible, is to make the other person think that what I'm asking for is actually what they've wanted all along. Not always easy to do, but if you're logical and quick thinking, it can be wonderfully satisfying to achieve your goal by making someone else think that it fits right in with their plans.

Also, don't be afraid to push back when necessary. In a job performance review, I had a manager who collected peer input. One co-worker and I did not get along, and when being reviewed I could tell which pieces of negative feedback had come from him. Having nothing to lose, I decided to push back forcefully on my manager to see if she would back down on that piece of info. To my surprise, she did. I pushed back on all the rest of them except one -- which illustrates another good negotation point: Don't go to the well one too many times.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Mike Reynolds — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 12:28:19 -0000

Body Language is incredibly important during any social interactions, but doubly so during negotiations. Eye contact can be used to your advantage, specifically maintaining eye contact for a longer duration that one would typically use in a business setting. Longer eye contact is typically involved in highly emotional interactions such as those between intimate partners or very close friends. Use of longer eye contact in a business atmosphere will provide those high intimacy cues and will promote higher levels of cooperation within the negotiation.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Bill — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 11:02:45 -0000

One of the most powerful tools at your disposal in all negotiations, and general conversation, is simply to ask questions. The next time you meet someone, or engage in a "negotiation warfare," try to finish the entire process without uttering one single declarative statement. Only ask questions. And lots and lots of them. So many, that it seems as if no amount of input from the other party is enough for you to make a decision about them or the item at hand. See what happens. You'll be amazed at how well you come out in the end. It was Teddy Roosevelt's secret weapon.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Michael Frasier — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 04:57:47 -0000

There's an old saying, "You can accomplish anything if you don't care who gets the credit." In my management style, I always listen first to what the other person wants or needs and acknowledge their position. Then, I bring them closer to my position using their own goals as a guide. Once we achieve some resolution, no matter how small, I praise their efforts and contributions. This makes them more likely to want to work with me next time.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Feli Galker — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 04:22:55 -0000

Even when in an emotional turmoil, we must remember that those who do not understand us or agree with us are not stupid. They have the wiseness of their own.
Especially when in an emotional turmoil, we must keep in mind that our counterparts do not hate us, they just happen to love themselves better.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

KrisK — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 00:15:31 -0000

1) Listen
2) use silence to your benefit. If you find things not going your way, stop talking and let the other party run out of things to say before you continue.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Lawrence M — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 23:46:08 -0000

There are many practical and slick tactics in negotiation, but before we can get there, we need to build a relationship with the other party. Many times when we think of negotiations, we think of the other party as the enemy. They have something we want but we want to give them the bare minimum of what we have. With those sentiments, it’s difficult for the other party to trust us. Most negotiations fail because the other person feels like he’s getting screwed. Sure we might win a huge contract screwing over the other guy, but it’s unlikely that he’ll ever want to do business with us again.

Why do we take clients golfing? Why do we network at happy hours? Why do we talk to our bosses at the watercooler? We want them to see not only that there’s a human behind that suit we wear – someone with families and responsibilities – but we want to show that we recognize their humanity as well.

In short, don’t try to screw anyone over. When you tell him where you stand, he’ll do his best to make something work for you.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Thursday Bram — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 21:30:15 -0000

Start with the best result in mind. If you know what you want (and what you're willing to settle for) negotiation is much easier than if you only have a vague idea of wher you want to go.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

David — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 20:23:10 -0000

Make friends with your competition, and you will be unstoppable.

Re: Book Giveaway: The Swordless Samurai by Tim Clark | The Art of Manliness

Levi — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 18:31:14 -0000

Set realistic expectations of the limit of the compromise
Be able to see all sides of the situation
Have a defined order or progression of your argument
Be willing to devise a new strategy