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Male rights of passage essentially transform someone and prepare them for the environment of manhood vs. boyhood. For more information of an academic nature, check out the work of Erving Goffman or Robert Jay Lifton. I find it very satisfying to think of AoM from a sociological perspective from time to time.
I grew up in Israel an now i serve in the army. I am not much of a warrior (I'm a computer technician) but the experience of boot camp and the professional course I did really made me into a grown man. It's not something that comes in a day or two, but one day you realize what a little child you were and how much responsibility you have now.
Thank you for yet another great article.
"As traditional rites of passage have become fuzzier, young men are plagued with a sense of being adrift." - I certainly feel that. I'm about to graduate college in May, but I currently have no sense of what's next, or how to get there.
I particularly like the idea of a wilderness expedition as a rite of passage. Go out into the woods somewhere deep in a national park or something for a week and learn skills applicable to such a situation. That really appeals to me.
Prior to that trip, I had never been away from my parents for more than 5 days and I had never been forced to make so many decisions on my own. The trip not only opened up a whole new world to me, but changed me from the shy and scared individual I was while in high school to a much more confident and courageous person.
Now I run a website about bicycle travel and I help other young people make similar changes in their own lives. Since that time, I've traveled through 29 states and 7 different countries on my bike... and plan to keep going for a very long time. Which makes me think, "When does the right of passage end?" It seems to me like it could keep going for a very long time if you let it. Does it ever end?
http://www.claremont.org/publications/crb/id.11...
Although these missions are about serving the church and public - not personal improvement - they have the effect of transforming young men into Men with a capital M.
These missions involve the young man getting shipped off from home - often out of the country and he learns a new language - and serving the church with limited contact to the family. Mormon missionary all conform to a simple, clean cut appearance - white shirts, conservative tie, dark dress suit. Missionaries are instructed to not watch television, listen to the radio, surf the internet, date, pursue personal interests, and read books other than essential spiritual texts like scriptures, etc. (Separation)
Missionaries are often taught to speak a new language and given strict guidelines to govern their time and behavior. Basically, every day starts early (6:30). The regiment includes study of church doctrine, study of the foreign language, and exercise. After breakfast, missionary work commences till nightfall with brief breaks for meals. The evening closes with a planning session that maps out the next days specific activities and prayer. Rinse, wash, repeat. (Transition)
After the two year mission is over, the young man "returns with honor" and is greeted by family and friends. There usually is a party/feast and the missionary is asked to speak to local congregations about his experience. Church leaders encourage and guide the young man to start/continue college, date for the purpose of marriage, and start his path as a man. (Re-incorporation)
The only ATM in town was broken, and my cell phone died. I was 16 hours away from home, and I panicked. But loneliness and nature gave me back a lot of self-confidence and peace; finally it became an awesome adventure with great lessons in manhood and character. It lasted four days...
A very good book is The Way of the Wild at Heart, by John Eldredge. It talks about certain archetypes (beloved son, cowboy, warrior, etc.) and the chance to restore them even when we are living in adulthood.
@Darren, I believe rites of passage never end, since we are moving from phase to phase in manhood, and each one deserves it's own coming of age.
I think a rite of passage ultimately boils down to creating a sense of self confidence and personal responsibility. I did not have a clearly defined passage, but these experiences helped me a lot:
a) Get involved in a sport or activity that you are scared of. I got involved in Rock Climbing, then sky diving. Facing your fears and performing gives you self confidence, not to mention male bonding. Don't worry, you won't die.
b) Go on a service trip or (if you are in college) study abroad. I studied in England for a semester. Total Isolation from my family and peer group for 6 months. I had to work 2 jobs (one under my work permit and one under the table) and go to school to have money to live and eat. My motivation at the time was that I wanted to know what it felt like not to be an American, but, without my intention, having to be totally responsible for myself in a foreign land helped make me self-reliant.
On a total side note, one of the commenters above mentioned that an un-named feminist had written that the death of the male rite of passage ritual was a victory for feminism.
I strongly believe that the qualities of self-confiedence and personal responsibility are beneficial to men and women. In today's world, our daughters can run for and be elected to the highest office in the land. Given that, doesn't it make sense that a manly father is focusing on rites of passage to adult hood for ALL of this children?
I have been blessed by the Lord.
Many blessings to all,
Art Gonzalez
Check my Squidoo Lens at: Quantum Knights
That was a GREAT article.
A few experiences come to mind for me:
My first high school love, and losing that at age 20. You live and learn. You get a little hardened, and you see everything you need to improve on. (separation?)
2 months traveling via public transportation from South Africa thru 7 other countries to Nairobi, Kenya at age 22 with 3 other male friends from my rugby club team. When everyone thinks you are going to die, and you have a great and fairly safe time despite daily challenges, you gain confidence and a certain ease. (transition?)
Getting my first job and moving 7000 miles from home at age 23 (now 24). I still talk to my family very often, and they still take care of some things for me because I'm so far away, but having a real job and making real money are huge responsibilities. You suddenly have a responsibility to society and others that you didn't have in college. (reincorporation?)
I guess I was a little slow, and a little late. And I don't think I'm done quite yet. I still have to become a wise old man someday.
Finally becoming serious about my Faith. (transition)
Ten days ago, at 7am, a cannon rang out across the ocean from the beach in Panama City Beach, Florida. Over 2000 people marched into the ocean to begin a 140.6 mile journey. They swam half a mile out into the Gulf of Mexico, turned around, and upon returning to the beach, went back out and did it again. Then they all straddled bikes and rode for 112 miles. Finally, they got off those bright metal steeds and ran a full, 26.2-mile marathon.
When you're in the middle of an Ironman, you're surrounded by thousands of other people, but you're entirely alone. By the time the bike segment was over, my feet were swollen and cramped and barely fit into my running shoes. I pulled them on and headed out. By mile three, my feet were covered in blisters and blood blisters, so I began to walk. At mile 14, the pain disappeared and I jogged again. Then, it returned at mile 15, worse than before. I limped the last 11.2 miles.
When you approach the finish line, even at 10pm like I did, there are still hundreds of people waiting to greet you. They cheer you on, carrying you the final hundred feet with their voices. The announcer tells them all your name. As you finally cross the line, he switches his focus, no longer speaking to the crowd. He tells you: "You are an Ironman." And all the preparation, all the pain, everything....it's all worth it.
The link to the Claremont Institute resonated very strongly with me. As a young woman I can't tell you how true it is of the men (..or should I say boys) in my age group. They're all barbarians or wimps ...and the few inbetween are soooo hard to come by.
My own rite was basic training. Service is one of *the* defining characteristics of manhood. Whether military, Peace Corps, Americorps--whatever--getting beyond self is critical.
For men like Daniel looking for a rite for themselves, I highly recommend "Men's Fraternity", a series written by Robert Lewis, author of "Raising a Modern Day Knight", also referenced above. There are a total of three "year" sessions and covers a great deal of material.
The following may be of interest as well:
Rites of Passage
In the days of our grandfather's grandfather's grandfather, boys were trained by the men in the arts of war and the ways of manhood. Women trained the children, and taught girls the ways of women. Boys stayed with their mothers, safe, at home, until the elders of the village determined that the boys had come of age. Then one evening, the elders donned their ceremonial garb of fur and feathers, painted their scars and tattoos, and gathered outside the boys' homes. They entered and took the boys off into the darkness. The boys' mothers wept and wailed over the loss of their children, but stood resolutely in the doorway, knowing that their sons must needs leave to become men. On foot and on horse, the men and boys traveled long into the night to a far off place, where boys were trained and men were born. Snatched from their mothers and the comforts of childhood, the boys were dazed and disorientated from the suddenness of the transition upon them and drained from the long, arduous journey. At dawn's light, they entered a secret place, a man's place, where they began the grueling process of learning the arts of war and the ways of manhood. They were given knives and spears, bows and shields. Under the watchful and wise eyes of the elders, warriors taught the boys to hunt and to fight, to provision and to protect their families and their villages. To become men. And at the end of this arduous training, they were tested, a trial in the wilderness afar off, in which they might die. Then if they survived the test, they were given the markings of manhood on their bodies: tattoos proclaiming them men of the tribe, scars proclaiming them members of the warrior elite--marks of their status and rank within society. Home they then came, boys no longer but men. And their mothers and their villages feasted them, celebrating their ascension into manhood and mourning the loss of those boys and the boyhood that died in the process of becoming men.
In the days of our father's father, boys were trained by the men in the arts of war and the ways of manhood. Women trained the children, and taught girls the ways of women. Boys stayed with their mothers, safe, at home, until the elders of the village determined that the boys had come of age. Then one evening, the elders donned their ceremonial garb of jackets and ties, with their patches and ribbons, and sent notice to the boys' homes. They entered by proxy and took the boys off into the darkness. The boys' mothers wept and wailed over the loss of their children, but stood resolutely in the doorway, knowing that their sons must needs leave to become men. By bus and by train, the men and boys traveled long into the night to a far off place, where boys were trained and men were born. Snatched from their mothers and the comforts of childhood, the boys were dazed and disorientated from the suddenness of the transition upon them and drained from the long, arduous journey. At dawn's light, they entered a secret place, a man's place, where they began the grueling process of learning the arts of war and the ways of manhood. They were given knives and guns, helmets and hand grenades. Under the watchful and wise eyes of the elders, warriors taught the boys to fight and to serve, to protect and to provide for their families and their villages. To become men. And at the end of this arduous training, they were tested, a trial in a country afar off, in which they might die. Then if they survived the test, they were given the markings of manhood on their uniforms: patches proclaiming them men of the tribe, ribbons proclaiming them members of the warrior elite-marks of their status and rank within society. Home they then came, boys no longer but men. And their mothers and their villages feasted them, celebrating their ascension into manhood and mourning the loss of those boys and the boyhood that died in the process of becoming men.
Today, boys train each other how to fight and how to claim their manhood. No one any longer trains the children, and girls know little more of womanhood than the boys do of manhood. Boys stay at the mall, until the ersatz elders of this new market place determined that their time had come. These so-called elders, scarcely older than the boys themselves, don their ceremonial garb of torn jackets and baggy pants, with their colors, piercings, and tattoos, and meet the boys at the mall. The boys left home of their own accord to wander in the darkness. The boys' mothers, if they noticed at all, curse them and are thankful they leave, perhaps wishing someone else would be the man of the family. By car and by bike, these "men" and boys travel long into the night, making fun of their mothers and the comforts of childhood. At dawn's light, they enter a secret place, a warehouse or parking garage, where they began the grueling process of learning how to fight the ways of adulthood. They take knives and guns, chains and pipe bombs. Nowhere are there watchful and wise elders; just these self taught "warriors" terrorizing the boys into fighting, stealing, and prostituting. Boys become street hardened to provide for their pimps and their gang leaders. And the end of this arduous life, by which they are tested, they stay in the 'hood, where they might die young and embittered. If they survive, they get the markings of their so-called manhood: bandanas proclaiming them men of the tribe, piercings and tattoos proclaiming them members of the warrior elite--marks of their status and rank within the gang. They cannot come home. They are boys no longer but victims. And their mothers and their villages wait for them, not to celebrate their ascension into manhood, but to arrest and bury and mourn the loss of those boys and the boyhood that died because they did not become men.
By Jeffrey M D Stormer, M.A.R.
(Adapted from a tale told at the 6th Annual National Association of Therapeutic Wilderness Camps Conference, June 1998.)
©2000
Jeff Stormer has been a professional counselor and therapist in a wilderness camp as well as in the inner city. Story and ritual are an essential part of his repertoire. He has also taught high school and college courses in bible. He is an Eagle Scout and has Woodbadge Scoutmaster training. Most importantly, he has worked as a volunteer youth minister since 1985. He received a Bachelor of Arts in Youth Ministry, and Master of Arts in Religion from Lipscomb University in Nashville, TN.
I have been thinking about this intently since we interviewed a local men's work therapist Jayson Gaddis on my podcast a few months ago. (The New Man Podcast http://is.gd/72fN
I looked back over my life and realized I had spend my late teens and twenties giving myself mini rites of passage, always feeling a deep longing to know "when will I be a man."
I now realize I went way further than most men ever do, in the extremes of Alaska and Colorado, yet I was never really recognized by society.
I am now facing yet another rite-of-passage in career and relationship at the age of 32! We can do better for future generations. I know I plan to with my boys, should I have them.
Thanks for laying out some initital steps towards creating this in the world. We are the ones that will bring this into being in a healthy way.
case
Agreed scouting is a valuable resource for boy, family and community.
My oldest is in college and Eagle/Order of Arrow.
My middle is Life/Order of Arrow.
My youngest is Arrow of Light and crosses over in after the new year.
Though I believe that scouts has tremendous value, the seminal right of passage for me were the two summers I spent competing in drum and bugle corps. For the uninitiated, drum and bugle corps is an activity which involves a tremendous amount of musical and physical rigor. At the highest level, which I competed (with the Blue Knights from Denver, CO for those who are familiar), it involves a competitive audition process. Your "reward" for making the corps is a summer spent riding around the country on a bus, sleeping on gym floors, rehearsing 12 hours a day and competing at night. Your goal in this endeavor is to create a marching and musical production that is as close to perfect as possible. The demands on your mind and your body are phenomenal. After I came back from my first summer of competition, I felt like I could do anything. As far as "re-integration" is concerned, not everyone recognizes this as an objective accomplishment, but those who are familiar appreciate it. And I know how difficult it was, which is good enough for me.
As a guy who grew up without a father it was very confusing as to what it meant to be a man and when a boy actually became a man. My friends also suffered from this and we started a small group dedicated to helping younger men through their passage into adulthood.
Two examples:
1. As high school seniors we "adopted" freshmen and helped them get used to the jump into high school from middle grades through study skills, social rules, grooming, dress, etc. This trend continued on as those we helped went on to help others as they became seniors.
2. My personal right of passage was my marriage. I had just graduated from college, had my first full-time job lined up, and was about to move out into the real world completely on my own. My older friends who had been married took me off to the beach and for a weekend we hung out, and they each took time to give me advice, answer questions, and teach me how to be a loving husband who would take care of his family and be a man of faith.
My point in those two examples (we still continue to work with young men who are about to get married-btw) is to say that in our society the rite of passage will not exist unless we make it. Society will not do it for us. We must rise up as men and help move upcomming young men into manhood.
A more intense and enlgihtening rite of passage that has not been lost and that is still to this day maintained as a strictly oral tradition is that of being initated into the Freemasons. The rules of membership are never changed, the degrees of Freemasonry have ancient origins and it is a fraternity unmarred by the trappings of modren society.
It is all male, no questions, no debate, and it is all gentlemen.
Many of our fathers and grandfathers gained their advantage in the world by being in its membership, and there is likely no other modern day society that can claim more leaders of society than the Freemasons.
As I read this blog I recognize so many of the values you hold dear as those reinforced within the walls of the lodge.
I agree that in this post-modern era the transition points are not as clear and that there are no definitive rituals to perform either. The other challenge is a lack of context and interpretation. By this I mean that many life events, such as a road trip, a white water experience, or even an emergency situation where the young man shows courage and bravery, could all serve as Rites of Passage. However, because they were not directly created to be such, or there is no mature man or men to interpret them as such on behalf of the young man, the benefit and significance of this experience as a Rite of Passage could be lost.
To fathers, be on the lookout for events in your son’s life, planned or unplanned (and definitely not forced), that can be interpreted as Rites of Passage. Where you see courage, bravery, honour, sacrifice or any other manly virtues being displayed, pick up on these. Explain to your son what you saw, how you interpreted it, and affirm him in it. End off with words like “I am very impressed with how you acted today. You really are becoming a man. I am proud to have you as my son.” How many of us adult men would have loved to have heard these words from our own fathers, but it is not too late for those who are fathers now to bless their sons in this way.
A friend of mine had a coming of age ceremony when she turned 18. Her mother and three adult friends stood around her in a large room at the points of the compass. They then told her what womanhood meant to them. Such a simple ceremony, but quite meaningful to her. I was jealous of that for years.
After graduating from college I decided to travel to Ireland. I saved the money for the trip, made some minimal plans, and went. I didn't bleed much or shave my head, but I did discover a sense of self-reliance when I ended up without food or places to stay. Having to take responsibility for myself so completely and so far from home was an amazing experience. I also learned that while I am definitely part of my community of family and friends, I also exist as a solitary individual, reliant on my own mind and body to live in this world. A valuable lesson to learn, for sure.
Such a shame. How possibly could the reduction of manliness add to the human race at all, much less increase feminity? If one side of the equation is out of balance, the other side will be too. Men and women are equal, but seperate, so men being manly will only add to women's value, not detract from it.
I apologize for the ignorance of some of my sex. We don't all feel that way. Please, at the risk of appearing chauvanistic, please continue to open doors and offer your seats to us on trains. I promise, most of us want that, desire that, need that from you. We're just the quieter ones, because our mommy's taught us what it meant to be a lady.
Thank you for this blog. It gives us "old-fashioned" girls hope.
Ginger wrote about The Way of the Wild Heart by John Eldgredge. He outlines clearly the different life stages a boy goes through on his journey of becoming a man. The stage most often associated with a Rite of Passage happens around age 12 - 14, moving from Beloved Son (boy) to Cowboy/Ranger (young man). He writes most poignantly and practically about the Rites of Passage he took his own sons through. There is much material there for a father to plan this very necessary and empowering Rite of Passage for his own son/s.
But what about us men today that never had this. As Brett said "Some of you may have missed out on the opportunity to take part in some sort of rite of passage and may feel a bit adrift, in limbo between boyhood and manhood." It is never too late.
Inspired by the Way of the Wild Heart I went on my own masculine quest (of re-contextualisation and re-interpretation), and wrote the poem below as a manifesto of this. My hope in sharing this is that it may inspire and encourage other adult men.
I am ……. an initiated man
My life has seemed
Like a pinball game
One day after the other
Never knowing what came
Drifting along
With no identity, no plan
Trapped as a boy
In the life of a man
Till the day I discovered
My identity and my name
God is my father!
For my heart he came!
To have a new heart
To know that I am wild
Made in the image of God
I am His beloved child
A fresh start
With my masculinity in place
To continue the journey
To stare life in the face
But looking back
I can now see
The hand of father God
Initiating me
All of my past
Seemingly random and without plan
Has all along been the process
Of initiating the man
What a relief
Oh what a joy
To now see the Father’s hand
At work since I was a boy
Chest out stand tall
I am the beloved son
A cowboy, a warrior, a King
A lover whose heart with beauty has been won
Now I can journey
An initiated man
I have what it takes
I know that I can
Come on men
Come gather around
Let us journey together
Let all our hearts be found
The Lord is a warrior
A warrior is he
We are made in His image
Of all men we are the free
I suppose my personal rite of passage is still in progress. I'm 18 years old, and I moved out from California (having lived with my dad for the four years of high school) to Rochester, NY. The shift from sunny California to the windswept, frozen lands of upstate NY is part of my transition, as is living in a house with strangers and working fulltime. In a year, I will move to Tokyo, and get my own apartment. I imagine that by that time I'll have become a man, and will have the skills and temperament to live as a gentleman.
Thus, this year is one of growing. I'm learning how to truly cook, how to play various instruments, and how to speak various languages. I'm refining myself, my style, and my conversational skills. I'm rising in the company I work for (Kodak), and building up my resume. I imagine that the rest of my life will be lived to the fullest, once I have the basics down. The art of manliness, which I just found today, has given me quite a few pointers. Keep it up!
Thanks,
Nelson Pecora
Freemasonry is making a comeback today as the children and grandchildren of the Baby Boomers are rediscovering it, for precisely the reasons cited in this article. They are seeking the very rituals and rites of passage the Boomers rejected.
I have since drifted away from MKP, but I now go through life each day more fully becoming the confident, authentic, loving, purposeful, and honorable man I'd always dreamed I'd be.
Dan The Man
I look back on that experience as a rate-of-passage. Pitch black
night with a low druming, Large bon-fire, awsome Indian
costumes with full length war-bonnets and animal fur head-gear.
Proper raging flame torches and large symbols of the lodge displayed
all around. A massive teepee. The ritual was serious with great drama. The
knife with the fake blood in the Brotherhood ritual scared the hell out of me.
I went back to my lodge during an ordeal weekend last year.
So, sad. The drama of the ceremony is dead, sacrificed on the altar of "Safety."
The ceremony is now done in broad daylight. Everyone circles under a
picnic shelter. No more bon-fire. No more awesome Indian costumes, just
a whimpy imation of Shawnee tribesmen with frontier shirts. No drumming.
The actors read from a script. The proper torches were replaced by a lame
tiki torch. No more hazing with Arrow necklaces, and the task-master must
remain silent also with the canidates. WOMEN are in the OA now.
I tear up whenever I remember the way things were.
OA is now longer the rite-of-passage for boys in our society.
Women, over-concerned mothers, and "Political Correctness" destroyed it in
the early '90s. Damn those pediphiles!
If you entered the OA in the early 80's consider yourselves blessed to
have had a manly rite-of-passage.
Peace,
Thomas