Art of Manliness - Latest Comments in How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Malachi Styx — Sun, 09 Jun 2013 10:03:19 -0000

My apologies if someone covered this earlier but I didn't notice it in my rudimentary scan of the comments...

A Handshake is a very old custom. It originates, at the very latest, from the time a Man carried a sword. The handshake is by tradition and custom with the right hand, this being generally the sword bearing/wielding hand and arm. The hand was offered to show that a measure of trust and respect was offered and was either rejected or reciprocated by the other party to accept and to offer the same trust. A handshake was not just offered when on foot but also when on horseback. The custom and tactics of horseback combat also influenced the sides of the road we drive on (I'm an Englishman). Understanding the purpose of the original handshaking practice opens up a new aspect to meeting and greeting and by inference one should always be honourable after offering your hand, especially if it is accepted.

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Austin — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 22:19:34 -0000

@Mauricio Yes, I completely agree.
As for everyone else and the author, I find it great when you're at a restaurant, and you shake your waiter or waitresses' hand and tell them your name. They provide better service, are more friendly, and they will most definitely remember you. Just think- how many people do you think shake the waiter's hand? My mother used to be a waitress, and she used to always say if waiters liked a customer, then they'd basically fight over that customer and try to be a better waiter, ha ha. But trust me guys, it really helps.

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Mauricio — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 13:15:47 -0000

Perfect!
I'm in the automotive business, working as a project manager in a german car maker, and I've always paid attention to the hands-shaking rules. I do pretty much what you said, except for the strengh of the grip. I usually shake male hands with more strengh then it would be usual (in fact, some of my dpt colleagues used to call me 'wrench' when I got here).
In the other hand (and forgive me for the pun), when I shake a woman's hand, I'm do it firmly (and stronger then her), but not too strong, and I noticed how that gives them a good impression about me. Actually, it's usual here in Brazil to kiss cheeks when you are introduced to a girl in a casual occasions (at a party, club, bar, etc), but I've been changing that for a kind and firm handshake, plus a discrete smile and eye-to-eye glance, with impressively good results. The main pros are: The grip shows strengh and confidence, the smile shows kindness and the gaze can give an impression of honesty and transparency. All these things help to create comfort, which is a prior stage to the attraction.
Some guys would say the basic kissing cheeks tradition would be better if you are wearing a good perfume, but I believe it's more important to create confidente and comfort first, and then she'll pay more attention to your perfume, your voice, your clothing, etc...

Congrats for the excellent article.

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

SKM — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 11:15:10 -0000

Women will never be 100% equal with men, no matter how we might wish it so.

Wow. OK, just a general reminder: equal doesn't mean identical; it never has. Moving on.

Like Laurie, I have small hands and (more than a tendency to) arthritis and tendonitis. I still deliver and appreciate firm, web-to-web handshakes. I do not like it when a man gives me a finger-shake; I have no way of knowing if he does that to everyone or if he views (and will thus treat) me as weaker than the men around him. A man who assumes I am weak or generally an alien species is not someone I want to work with and I would certainly never go out him.

Does a good firm handshake hurt my arthritic hand? Some days, yes. And you know what--so does just about everything else I have to do with my hands. Rest assured; I am used to it, so don't sweat it. I imagine a man with rheumatoid arthritis might tell you the same, though of course I don't speak for everyone.

As for hand-crushers: bone-crushing shakes strike me as a sign of insecurity. Please avoid them. Maybe practice with a friend to get your pressure calibrated?

When I do get attacked by a bone-crusher, I find that turning the handshake into a two-hander by putting my other hand on the back of the shaker's often causes him to let up a bit.

Finally, never underestimate the power of the respectful nod-in-passing. You may come across someone who you have seen, say, in a meeting but don't really know well enough to stop and talk and shake hands. Do still acknowledge this person with brief (never flirtatious!) eye contact and a polite but friendly nod. A little respect goes a long way.

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Laurie — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 22:01:16 -0000

This was an interesting read. I am gunshy when it comes to handshakes. I'm a woman with small hands and a tendency toward tendinitis and arthritis, even though I'm not currently wearing a brace on my hand. I'm going to have to remember that palm down maneuver.

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Reality check — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 03:04:07 -0000

Women are biologically different from men. The different handshake for m to w is an acknowledgement of this reality, and there is nothing wrong or demeaning about it. Women will never be 100% equal with men, no matter how we might wish it so.

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Keith Ford — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 13:19:51 -0000

Can anyone offer a suggestion to those perverse men who steadfastly avoid the thumb-in-thumb firm handshake, and instead latch on to just to the fingers, then give them a crush? It makes you feel like you were the one who flubbed the handshake, and you can't grip them at all, because they have your fingers. It makes me want to ball up my handshake into a fist, then use it.

I also find it very interesting to have some guy try to crush my hand. I am a big man (6'3", 260 lbs) and it often seems to come from much shorter men, and they try to see if they can make me wince with their bone-crusher handshake. I try to maintain a firm, even pressure despite their efforts to break my hand, but it still irritates the heck out of me. If I wanted to hurt someone shaking their hand, I could, but that is not the point of the handshake. I generally do no offer to shake hands with someone I want to hurt.

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

CANGEO — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 01:19:41 -0000

hello does anyone know what the handshake guys in Ireland is about? as in the meaning?

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Kile — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 14:00:14 -0000

...and make SURE you take ahold of the ENTIRE hand when shaking, y'all...
Most irritating when a novice does the voice and firm handshake thing, then grabs only the fingers....GET THAT PALM!

we now return you to your regular programming...

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Phelps — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 17:35:01 -0000

I'm in the legal world and do a lot of handshaking (as do the women) and was going to mention this too. It's an easy signal -- if she holds her hand for a handshake, give her one. If she holds her hand out palm down, then it is appropriate to lightly hold her fingers (no handle pumping, guys) and let go after a moment.

And guys, it isn't a contest. If you start shaking hands with her, and she's barely grasping your hand, go easy. Don't limp fish it just because she is, but do dial it back a couple of degrees and double-check to make sure that you aren't unconsciously being a crusher.

For any ladies reading this, if you have small hands or have been manhandled by a few crushers and are gun shy, try the horizontal offer. You will at least find out of the guy is paying attention. The kinds of guys who are on AoM are likely to appreciate a lady-like Lady.

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Realistic Pencil Drawings — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 05:46:20 -0000

very interesting. a handshake can tell you alot about a person, so your handshake should be representative of who you are.

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

AcmeNews — Sat, 16 May 2009 01:18:30 -0000

Unless there is a medical reason for a left-handed shake, the right hand is the only acceptable hand in America.

I once got a left-handed shake from a restaurant owner, whom I was thanking for a good meal. He was leaning on his right hand and was either too lazy or too stupid to offer me his right hand.

As I was shaking his left hand with my right, I looked him in the eyes, thanked him for the meal, and added "I will never eat here again."

The restaurant closed two years later. Coincidence? I think not.

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Beat Attitude — Wed, 13 May 2009 09:59:19 -0000

Never go "over the top" with a palm-down handshake. This is usually a blatant attempt to dominate, causing the other person to put their hand in the submissive position.

When I get one of these, I usually
a) receive it, then, before I let go, make a point of turning their hand vertically.
b) do the same thing. They'll feel silly for doing it that way and quickly correct it
c) offer my hand vertically, forcing them to adjust.

My father-in-law gives an exaggerated hand-grab (the swoop-to-grab) which is endearing with a strong pump and a courteous dipping of the head, but not suitable if there is no positive relationship existing already.

Also, if you want to do some kind of home-boy bump, go for the slighly curled fingers in the high-five position, thumb out. Then, they won't expect a high-five (or a low-five, which they might if the thumb was tucked in), but might expect a chest/shoulder bump. This move engages the bicep in a friendly arm-wrestle kind of way.

Never fold your other hand over the other person's hand unless you are trying to convey an emotional connection. Gripping the forearm with the other hand is seen as supportive but can also be patronising. Look at how presidents shake hands to see what they are conveying. At the ropeline, it's usually the first. Welcoming a respected colleague to the stage, usually the latter. A respected opponent gets a straight shake with eye contact and a smile. A less respected one misses out the eyes, or gets a fake smile.

The way we make physical contact with each other cannot be understated, especially in business.

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

funton — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 09:23:59 -0000

you can test your hand shake on yourself. try to shake your own hand.
it takes some experience.
try it.

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

funton — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 09:20:07 -0000

Never, under any circomstances, offer a hand shake when in toilet room.

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Robert — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 15:13:38 -0000

This is an older post, I know, but I'm new here, and this post 'spoke' to me!

I am a Crusher. Meaning, when I shake a hand, I put a LOT of unconscious strength into it; sometimes I'm not aware of how much power I use, until I see the other person's eyes bulge, or their fingertips burst into bloody blooms. Oops.

Typically, I do it to exclusively to men; I'm not a total neanderthal, as I 'tune down' the pressure when shaking a woman's hand, or better yet, use the "double-hand shake".

I was always taught by my father and grandfather that a man's calling card is his firm handshake, and it should say a lot of things about him and his integrity, and if you're going to do it, then by God, do it. Because they were (and are) both old-school, blue-collar men, they were used to the bone-breaking handshakes of their contemporaries...so, the methodology was passed on to me, and I 'got it honestly', so to speak.

However, I find that today, in my modern world (professional), there are not a lot of men who were not taught a similar mantra, thereby resulting in a plethora of "dead fish" shakes that make me want to go wash the wimpiness off of my hand immediately afterwords...and because of this, I silently vowed never to offer that type of handshake to anyone, and to give those very men one of my patented knuckle-crushers at very opportunity.

It may not be socially appropriate, or it may say something detrimental about my character in today's world, but it's a learned habit of heritage that I'm proud of, and I offer no apologies for it.

And habits, as we all know, die hard.
Rob

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Gordo_Mongo — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 08:18:04 -0000

"contest of strength" ...LOL

Our culture is waning, but whether or not some bitch gets her hand pecked by some horny pig farmer is only the most superficial of indications.

I once met a drunk blathering fool who wanted to repeatedly shake my hand, when I was 19. If I didn't want to continually shake his hand, that was "an invitation to fight, or talk philosophy of manliness" (with a drunk guy who had several of his teeth broken off at the gumline). This kind of soured me on shaking hands. ...For good.

Why do I want to shake the smelly paw of some fool I don't like and can't identify with? The most basic responsibility of a citizen in western civilization is to not be a tool of tyrants, when one shows up for jury duty. It is to strike down bad laws, and not give the judge or prosecutor a "guilty" verdict, just because somebody broke one of their irrational laws. But my "fellow man" can't hack this minimal responsibility anymore. So where's the brotherhood worthy of a handshake?Instead, they have packed the prisons fuller than the British could ever have possibly managed, at the worst of their tyranny. And for what? For owning drugs and guns that were rightfully considered private property until 1907.

All the "manly handshake" morons have voted our freedom away, so they could exist as serfs of the nanny state. America has gone soft, and shaking hands like a man won't make you a man: only thinking for yourself can do that.

Think about that: we've made ourselves less free than if we would have stayed British subjects. No property rights, no basic civility. ...But we still want to clap paws, to show camaraderie! ...Count me out. You're not my brothers, you'd barely make interesting target practice.

Don't offer me your hand unless you're a real American who believes that all guns, all drugs, all cars, all medicines, all motorcycles, etc.. should be legal. WARNING: I know the difference between real and fake Americans, and I carry a pistol.

For all I know, your form of bacteria is contagious!

But if you're willing to always think for yourself, and always follow your conscience, I might shake your hand. (I've shaken a few hands in my life.) It totally didn't matter if the person had a bad handshake.

I am much more concerned about whether they belong to the same species I do, than whether another man touches my hand "the right way".

...Let's shake, rattle and roll on it!

Freedom

For those of you who wish to get an idea about what it's like to be a man, I recommend the following link. Someday, if you keep that flagellum spinning, you just might make it!

http://www.fija.org

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Terry Boyne — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 10:48:33 -0000

Back in the day, a gentleman would kiss a lady's hand.

I recall reading a quote from a prominent author - I'm sorry I can't recall who - who said he knew our culture was waning when men no longer kissed a lady's hand.

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Tony Woodward — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 14:35:59 -0000

Sorry about "reslting" in my recent post - I meant "wrestling" of course, and I didn't even catch this when I was doing a last proofreading. We are all fallible!

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Tony Woodward — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 14:29:50 -0000

Re: The double handshake (which is what I was looking for when I found this site)

I just discovered this site today whilst surfing for something totally different (serendipity lives and thrives on the Web which is why I love it!) and this site is really interesting and I am having an unexpected bonanza! I shall explore it further.

On the topic of handshaking I am reminded of J. Edgar Hoover. He hated sweaty palms so much that potential contacts were offered handkerchiefs and towels to dry off their hands before even being allowed into the regal presence. If you had sweaty palms then you were dead in the water before you even spoke to him.

Yes, Virginia, some people really ARE that shallow! And unfortunately some of them wield power!

I use the double handshake with people I really like, as a way of showing it, when as a very reserved person I would probably not show my liking in any other way. I would never use it on first contact with anyone because that would be a lie.

The double handshake is the ultimate expression of warmth just short of a hug. I am a quietly backward Brit even after 40 years as a Canadian, so I don’t use hugs lightly! But I do use them sometimes - for family or very best friends in appropriate situations - 40 years as a North American have rubbed off on me but a true Brit would die rather than do that. Even now I feel self-conscious when I do.

And you will never see me kiss someone on both cheeks - I’d have to be Latin to do that and this is not in my arsenal. Cultures vary and I respect them all and I am fascinated by the variety (unless of course they are dedicated to killing me). But kissing people on both cheeks is not in my culture.

Reading this correspondence, I too hate wet fish handshakes but I have never been in a position where handshaking was regarded as a contest like arm reslting. Perhaps I have been lucky. In that situation I would just let him win and then quietly despise him and if possible refuse him my business.

My two cents’ worth.

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Joy — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 14:46:17 -0000

@Brett McKay - I definitely agree that a weak handshake is a turn off whether you're a man or woman. I'm grateful as a woman that my dad and my teachers taught me how to be a feminite woman with a firm handshake. My first thought when a man's hand just slides off of my firm grasp, is impotentcy. Uhh..pretty harsh, but it's my first impression. Or I think they don't respect me enough to actually take the handshake seriously. I'm not porcelain. I can handle a firm grasp. You can touch me to, I don't have kooties.
And women... You need to take this seriously as well. A Woman to Woman handshake should show the same respect and professionalism.
No LIMP wrist!
Even the graceful English style pinch should show the effort to touch the other.

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Dave — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 04:04:06 -0000

When I shake hands with men, I always have a good level of firmness, and never try to crush someone's hand, but have been taken by surprise enough times by aggressive handshakers that I am always ready to escalate to meet their grip. I alway close my hand the tiniest bit instead of holding it flat, again to avoid having my hand rolled and crushed by an aggressive handshaker. Give it a few good shakes, look 'em in the eye and smile, and that's that.

When I shake with women, my grip is never weak but I don't squeeze tightly. It's almost like holding a bird—firmly, but delicately. I also use two hands, and only pump once or twice. It's more like taking her hand than shaking it. Again, direct look and smile.

I don't personally meet women in a business setting, so I might do a more formal and less warm shake in that circumstance.

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Barry — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 12:29:21 -0000

Regarding the man/woman shake, I have found in the business world that women, especially younger ones, generally follow the same rules as men and offer a similar firm handshake. If they differ at all, they usually offer a slightly shallower grip where you are getting the fingers only rather than the palm of the hand, but this doesn't really require any adjustment from the man. The only adjustment I make is to not offer the handshake to a woman, but wait for her offer, which is the rule from traditional social etiquette, although probably unnecessary to follow in modern business.

I know one woman who offers what I would call a victorian handshake. She offers just the fingers and holds the hand sideways relative to the normal orientation (palm facing the floor). This is unusual, but definitely has an air of class about it. This is probably how the Queen of England would shake hands. This woman comes from an established southern family and was a debutante, etc. The handshake suits her, but I don't think it could be pulled of by everyone. And probably best used in social settings rather than business. I consider this handshake the equivalent of offering a personal calling card instead of a business card. It almost looks like an offer to kiss her hand, but don't go there. Give it a shallow grip for a moment without pumping.

I once encountered a salesman who used a crusher handshake. He gripped my hand so hard I thought he was trying to break a bone. I honestly believe he thinks a handshake is a contest of strength. I am still dumfounded by this experience. Please don't ever shake hands this way. If unsure, match the grip strength of the other people you are shaking hands with.

Always offer your right hand. There will be times when someone has to offer their left hand to you because maybe they don't have a right hand or it is in a cast, etc. In these cases, you still use your right hand and just do the best you can with the grip. It will probably be a shallower grip, mostly just the fingers and the leftie will probably offer with the palm down similar to the lady's Victorian shake mentioned above. It will seem odd to you, but they are used to it, so let it pass without comment.

Some men offer a slightly or fully palm-down handshake, forcing you to engage with your palm tilted up. This is a sign of dominance. One way to handle this is to grip it and then rotate it to vertical to show that you are not submissive.

If you have sweaty palms, which may well happen prior to an important meeting, then wash and dry your hands prior to the meeting. Also remember to hold your hand open while waiting for the meeting. Holding a clenched fist for any length of time will trap the sweat and make your hand wet.

Don't be so focused on the gripping aspect that you forget to look the person in the eye, smile and make a polite comment such as "Nice to meet you, Bob" It is perfectly fine to fumble the grip as long as you are getting these more important aspects right.

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

lewis — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 18:10:54 -0000

I'll always remember my nan's boyfriend's handshake. Firm, looked you in the eyes and smiled and that's how he greeted/farewelled (I'm tired ok?) everyone including me from...must have been before I was 5yrs old.

Even though he died quite a few years ago it's always the first thing anyone remembers when they think about him and it goes to show how powerful an act it is.

It's surprising how many people have forgotten what a proper handshake is. A handshake is more than a courtesy, it's a statement. Sadly I'm one of those people who do it automatically but, thanks to AoM for reminding me, I'll be giving the firm handshake I so fondly recall from now on!

Re: How To Give an Impressive Handshake

Connor — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 13:21:18 -0000

In regards to one of your many suggestions:

"Be aware of different social customs. Most cultures have different customs for shaking hands. Some find it inappropriate for a man to shake a woman’s hand and some cultures find shaking hands completely unacceptable. Be sensitive to these situations."

I am sorry, but if you refuse to shake a woman's hand, I refuse to shake your hand.