Art of Manliness: How to Give Flowers Like a Victorian Gentleman
Alex M.
· 1 year ago
Good idea. This isn't something I had considered doing, but I know my wife would love it. I want to be romantic, but I can never remember to do stuff like that on my own, much to her chagrin. Thanks for the push.
Matt DeStefano
· 1 year ago
I liked the post, I think that we should all definitely think about bringing our lady flowers every once in a while. Brett, I really have enjoyed your blog and feel that your commentary is much needed. Although I don't always agree with everything you have to say, I think it's amazing what you've done with this blog.
Great job!
Will
· 1 year ago
Wonderful.
Will
· 1 year ago
Amazon's out of the Greenaway book, but at the moment there are copies at abebooks.com.
Will
· 1 year ago
Edit: that link to Amazon is to a version not in stock. Amazon has at least one other version in stock.
Yura
· 1 year ago
I wonder if there are women, who would rather let flowers live, than cut them or use them anyway? What does one do not to get into this kind of trap?
Because, for example, as a vegan, cutting flowers for them to last only several days (instead of weeks under the sun) is pretty gruesome.
Art Gonzalez
· 1 year ago
What a fantastic post! My wife has always been ecstatic when I give her roses. I will get that flower dictionary and start surprising her with new meanings and intentions. This post reminded me of the movie "Kate and Leopold" with Hugh Jackman and Meg Ryan. The character, Leopold, is from that Victorian era and on certain scene he shows that he is an expert on the meaning of flowers. He is a true gentleman and my wife and my mother have always commented how that character is the epitome of elegance, knighthood and manliness. I recommend that everybody watches it.
@Yura: There are - I dated a girl once who referred to a bouquet I got her as a "plant sacrifice." It really wrecked my desire to give flowers as gifts. (Thank goodness, the relationship soured and I am now free to give flowers to a woman who appreciates them!)
A good way to discover this without using trial and error would be to take your SO to a walking garden and admire the flowers. Watch for his/her reaction. Later, when you're out walking, pass by the florist. If your SO starts commenting negatively, there's your answer.
IMO, we have enough going on without having to worry about whether or not the plants would have a "better life", so to speak, outside in the sun than being admired. If you or your SO have issues with flowers in vases, get a bouquet that can be replanted in a flower box or garden outside your home.
Renaud
· 1 year ago
Careful with some of these.... You wouldn't give a Chrysanthemum to a French woman... they are mostly used to decorate tombs. Similarly, white flowers are used at funerals in some Asian countries, so double-check those meanings for appropriateness in the country you live in or the country you beloved is from before offering a bunch of flowers that may end up having the opposite effect you desire...
mhb
· 1 year ago
OK, I'm not a man, but I am married to one, and he recently converted from the guy who thinks I'm so practical I wouldn't like a "wasteful" gift like flowers to a totally smooth flower-giver, and he basically did this in one fell swoop: last Christmas he gave me a beautiful hand-made card that welcomed me to his personal flower-of-the-month club. Each month on a random day (or a special day - February was Valentine's Day, and he did this for our anniversary, too) I come home from work to find a lovely bouquet or potted flower plant waiting for me (Side note: I enjoy gardening, so I like getting potted plants as gifts - he knows this). I think especially for you fellows who have been in established relationships for a while, you should consider something like this. I'm frankly surprised at just how much the gesture means to me... and I already liked the guy plenty. :-)
liss
· 1 year ago
Quote "Seriously. Women eat this stuff up."
Mmm. Yummy. Please sir, may I have some more?
I hope it starts a revolution . . .
Brett
· 1 year ago
@Matt-Thank you.
@Will-Thanks for the heads up. Really any book on the meaning of flowers will do. I liked the one I linked to because it was an original from back in the day. But modern ones will work. There was one called "Mussy Tussies" that looked good. But I couldn't bring myself to recommend a book called "Mussy Tussies" on a men's website.
@Art-I haven't seen "Kate and Leopold" but any movie where the leading lady's name is "Kate McKay" has to be pretty good.
@Matthew-Agreed.
@Renaud-Good point, I hadn't thought of that.
@Mhb-Your man sounds like one heck of a guy. Thanks for sharing that idea.
Helen
· 1 year ago
I haven't been real big on getting a bouguet of flowers from a man. They don't mean much to me. Now if the man wanted to take me out and together we bought my favorite flowers and some of his and he created a flower garden ,that grew back year after year, that would mean a lot. That would special.
Mike Bates
· 1 year ago
I love the idea of a language of flowers, that you can say complicated and heartfelt things without words (which men aren't traditionally good at using anyway). I had heard of this before, and am excited to check out the books to get a better idea of what to get the wife next time. Cool post.
@ Matthew
Shouldn't the fact that she called your flowers a "plant sacrifice" be a strong indication that she was teensy-weensy nuts and that her opinions be taken with a shaker of salt from then on? Glad you got out of that.
Great post. But men should also remember to not give flowers too many times throughout the year or she will be bored and it will become predictable. The best time is when she least expects it. Throw in a short hand written letter and she will melt.
Beat Attitude
· 1 year ago
Hmmmm. I can't help thinking this is verging on, shall I say "exquisite...darling"
Yeah, OK it'll do the trick probably, but man this stuff is pretty vacuous. It's pretty much where hallmark came from, and I suspect there's a fine line between putting some thought into it and taking it too seriously. It reminds me of those gift shop things, like a keyring that says "Linda: means everflowing fountain. You are a refreshing person... etc." They make me puke. I love genuinely cute stuff, but I hate "cuddwy bunny" mentality.
Flowers are there to look nice and smell nice, and they die in about a week when you cut them. Try window boxes or hanging baskets, and commit to watering them on a daily basis: that's not just a one-off, potentially empty gesture, but gives you a chance to show you genuinely care about tender things and that you are responsible. There's nothing pansy about pansies...
Ed
· 1 year ago
I like the idea of having some meaning to the type of flowers to add depth to the act (it can also be cheaper than the standard roses, which means you can give them more often). I prefer to give flowers as a true expression of my feelings during the "off season" rather than when it is expected. I try to ensure there are some still in the house during some of the standard flower giving events or soon afterwards, but very rarely give them on those days.
Claire
· 1 year ago
"Seriously. Women eat this stuff up."
Well...some women. I am a woman. Flowers are fine. But I am way, way too lazy to ever bother to look up the meanings of various flowers in a book. Is the bouquet pretty? Then I like it, even if its secret flower meaning is "I hate you; never look at me again." To my mind, flowers only have meaning and depth to the extent that the relationship does.
So I guess the number one rule is "Know your lady."
(I do like your blog, though, even if I'm probably not your target audience.)
Tyler @ Building Camelot
· 1 year ago
Nice list...the trick now is finding some of the flowers that you list. Good luck if you want the delivered...you're more likely to find them at a local shop that doesn't offer delivery,
I think the best time to give her flowers is when she's not expecting any. I'd also like to throw in the idea of not sending roses on Valentines day. It will save you some money and will show off your creative side.
amy
· 1 year ago
there aren't enough flowers in the world to cover up the stench of a douchebag...
amen. y'alls is funny.
i liked this post a lot and forwarded it to my husband, which i don't do often, but i'm pretty sure i'd make a right good sucker if given the chance.
i am vegan and totally don't get what dude was saying about vegans not wanting to give cut flowers. just sayin'.
Online Flower Delivery Pune
· 1 year ago
Yeah!! I like the idea of thoughts coming through flowers.. Because they can really touch you by so many ways..
wutho
· 1 year ago
Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!
Flowers are a great gift when given occasionally, and can charm and delight. However, there are some big gotchas when trying to use "the flower language" in the present day:
First, flowers whither and die. Given today's concern for the environment, unless your lady is composting, this adds to one's trash impact on the planet. Not the most manly consideration, sure. For sustainable flower-loving, one might be better served to spend time at the local arboretum or botanical gardens.
Second, WARNING! Flowers are crummy at communicating. The reason the Victorians used flowers as messages was because there were so many rules about how and where and what was appropriate to communicate. As such, they hid more tender communications behind the hints and suggestions of flowers.
Subtlety and mystery in a new relationship are fine, and can really win over one's lady love, but if speaking through flowers replaces real communication about who each person is, you can find yourself in a mess of a commitment predicament. Beware getting caught in a wave of sentimentality, petals, and new relationship energy and don't let mechanisms for obscuring communication replace a forthright and honest, manly discussion about who one is and what one wants out of a relationship and a partner.
That said, flowers are purty and girls like 'em, true enough.
Anne
· 1 year ago
I am a sane, healthy woman and I LOVE getting flowers. I have a lot of respect for guys who are confident enough with themselves to put some effort into romance. Women who don't enjoy getting flowers are not fit to date...they have psychological issues that need to be sorted out in therapy first. Best of luck to them and their recovery.
I really don't see what's so wrong about cutting plants. They're PLANTS, for crying out loud. They get ripped up by storms and chopped up and stepped on by animals all the time! That's why smaller ones, like flowers and grasses, grow back quickly.
Dennis
· 1 year ago
Good article. This is the first time I've commented, but I'm loving this site. And about no amount of flowers making up for her catching you cheating: if you're cheating in the first place, you really aren't very manly.
Ian Bacon
· 1 year ago
'Victorian gentleman'? Not criticising the idea of giving flowers—but, lets put the Victorian era and its gentlemen into context: sweat shops for women, long hours, low pay, discrimination, etc. Life in Vic times was not fun for women (nor it must be said, for many men). Lets not over glamourise.
Baxter A. O'Shaughnessey
· 1 year ago
You're right - women often complain to men that they are not romantic enough... One good way to show them that you do care and are romantic is to know about flowers. This article is great but I found anhter great reference on the meaning of flowers - findflorists.com/meaning-of-flowers.cfm. From acacias to water willows, It gives more information on each type of flowers meaning. The perfect reference to dazzle that special woman in your life. From Baxter O'Shaughnessey
I know how to fold paper roses and I'm planning to fold roses for our teachers in school this teacher's day... :)
Alan
· 1 year ago
This is definitely a great idea!
Only problem is I cannot find the book that was suggested.
Any other good suggestions for books?
Avraham
· 1 year ago
I have always been a fan of flowers. I like to give them to women and I even like them in an empty bottle of Tequilla on my table, it can be very manly. In other countries were you can get flowers on the street, fresh from a flower boy or girl, the beauty of it is compounded. However, I agree with the comment that women no longer understand. They really don't and it's difficult to work with. I believe that giving her a 'booklet' is borderline unmanly and may cost the charm for then she knows that you are simply looking up code. I suggest a clever planting of the code through a friend or something. Complicated is always risky but it might be worth it for this.
amanda
· 1 year ago
I am so glad this article is posted. I have told my boyfriend on a few occasions that nothing makes me feel more special then when he gets me flowers. There is just something about the added time involved to stop and pick some out for me in mind. The best time to give flowers in my opinion- on special days, but also on random days. Maybe you get out of work early enough to catch the florist shop still open- stop and get her some flowers.
On the debate of potted vs. cut flowers- I worked in a green house for several years so I understand the value of a potted plant, but every now and then its amazing to get cut flowers. And when recieving roses or other flowers that dry well-tie them together with a ribbon and hung upside-down to dry out. They will last forever this way.
Bruce Prentice
· 10 months ago
Interesting, as always. You do not always have to give a bouquet. How about just a single flower when the mood strikes?
Bruce Williamson
· 10 months ago
A really good article. Especially the meaning of the flowers. Now I can tell her the meaning of the flowers that she loves so much.
I already know which flowers she likes and in which colors.
I always give flowers on St.Valentine's Day and her birthday. Every now and then I give flowers for no reason.
Abe
· 10 months ago
hey , just wondering,,, is there any kind of message behinde how many flowers you give a girl? say a single rose opposed to a bouquet
blaiko
· 10 months ago
Red rose by it self means lack of thought or no brain don't make this mistake
All Comments
Great job!
Because, for example, as a vegan, cutting flowers for them to last only several days (instead of weeks under the sun) is pretty gruesome.
Many blessings,
Art Gonzalez
Check my Squidoo Lens at: Quantum Knights
A good way to discover this without using trial and error would be to take your SO to a walking garden and admire the flowers. Watch for his/her reaction. Later, when you're out walking, pass by the florist. If your SO starts commenting negatively, there's your answer.
IMO, we have enough going on without having to worry about whether or not the plants would have a "better life", so to speak, outside in the sun than being admired. If you or your SO have issues with flowers in vases, get a bouquet that can be replanted in a flower box or garden outside your home.
You wouldn't give a Chrysanthemum to a French woman... they are mostly used to decorate tombs.
Similarly, white flowers are used at funerals in some Asian countries, so double-check those meanings for appropriateness in the country you live in or the country you beloved is from before offering a bunch of flowers that may end up having the opposite effect you desire...
Mmm. Yummy. Please sir, may I have some more?
I hope it starts a revolution . . .
@Will-Thanks for the heads up. Really any book on the meaning of flowers will do. I liked the one I linked to because it was an original from back in the day. But modern ones will work. There was one called "Mussy Tussies" that looked good. But I couldn't bring myself to recommend a book called "Mussy Tussies" on a men's website.
@Art-I haven't seen "Kate and Leopold" but any movie where the leading lady's name is "Kate McKay" has to be pretty good.
@Matthew-Agreed.
@Renaud-Good point, I hadn't thought of that.
@Mhb-Your man sounds like one heck of a guy. Thanks for sharing that idea.
@ Matthew
Shouldn't the fact that she called your flowers a "plant sacrifice" be a strong indication that she was teensy-weensy nuts and that her opinions be taken with a shaker of salt from then on? Glad you got out of that.
www.the-common-man.com
Yeah, OK it'll do the trick probably, but man this stuff is pretty vacuous. It's pretty much where hallmark came from, and I suspect there's a fine line between putting some thought into it and taking it too seriously. It reminds me of those gift shop things, like a keyring that says "Linda: means everflowing fountain. You are a refreshing person... etc." They make me puke. I love genuinely cute stuff, but I hate "cuddwy bunny" mentality.
Flowers are there to look nice and smell nice, and they die in about a week when you cut them. Try window boxes or hanging baskets, and commit to watering them on a daily basis: that's not just a one-off, potentially empty gesture, but gives you a chance to show you genuinely care about tender things and that you are responsible. There's nothing pansy about pansies...
Well...some women. I am a woman. Flowers are fine. But I am way, way too lazy to ever bother to look up the meanings of various flowers in a book. Is the bouquet pretty? Then I like it, even if its secret flower meaning is "I hate you; never look at me again." To my mind, flowers only have meaning and depth to the extent that the relationship does.
So I guess the number one rule is "Know your lady."
(I do like your blog, though, even if I'm probably not your target audience.)
I think the best time to give her flowers is when she's not expecting any. I'd also like to throw in the idea of not sending roses on Valentines day. It will save you some money and will show off your creative side.
amen. y'alls is funny.
i liked this post a lot and forwarded it to my husband, which i don't do often, but i'm pretty sure i'd make a right good sucker if given the chance.
i am vegan and totally don't get what dude was saying about vegans not wanting to give cut flowers. just sayin'.
Flowers are a great gift when given occasionally, and can charm and delight. However, there are some big gotchas when trying to use "the flower language" in the present day:
First, flowers whither and die. Given today's concern for the environment, unless your lady is composting, this adds to one's trash impact on the planet. Not the most manly consideration, sure. For sustainable flower-loving, one might be better served to spend time at the local arboretum or botanical gardens.
Second, WARNING! Flowers are crummy at communicating. The reason the Victorians used flowers as messages was because there were so many rules about how and where and what was appropriate to communicate. As such, they hid more tender communications behind the hints and suggestions of flowers.
Subtlety and mystery in a new relationship are fine, and can really win over one's lady love, but if speaking through flowers replaces real communication about who each person is, you can find yourself in a mess of a commitment predicament. Beware getting caught in a wave of sentimentality, petals, and new relationship energy and don't let mechanisms for obscuring communication replace a forthright and honest, manly discussion about who one is and what one wants out of a relationship and a partner.
That said, flowers are purty and girls like 'em, true enough.
I really don't see what's so wrong about cutting plants. They're PLANTS, for crying out loud. They get ripped up by storms and chopped up and stepped on by animals all the time! That's why smaller ones, like flowers and grasses, grow back quickly.
Only problem is I cannot find the book that was suggested.
Any other good suggestions for books?
On the debate of potted vs. cut flowers- I worked in a green house for several years so I understand the value of a potted plant, but every now and then its amazing to get cut flowers. And when recieving roses or other flowers that dry well-tie them together with a ribbon and hung upside-down to dry out. They will last forever this way.
I already know which flowers she likes and in which colors.
I always give flowers on St.Valentine's Day and her birthday. Every now and then I give flowers for no reason.