Art of Manliness - Latest Comments in Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Guy Cruisalair — Thu, 20 Feb 2014 19:20:52 -0000

My twin brother and I were raised by a stay at home dad, and I find my father no less manly for it. In fact, it has always filled me with a sense of pride and got me respect from my peers.
I do believe it may have served me a different kind of male role-model than a dad with a job away from home, but not at all a bad role model. I learned a lot from my dad, and all he taught me is useful in a man's life. I can cook, clean, fix bikes, draw funny pictures, know my classic rock and art rock, classic painters and telling jokes largely thanks to my dad. The only thing I can't explain is why I'm still not as "handy" or accurate with various tools and fixing stuff as my dad is (my brother turned out better in that regard :P).

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Amos Marr — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 01:24:03 -0000

WARNING: I'm not a father
I don't see a problem with staying at home and being a dad. It gives you more time to focus on doing other things, like running around in the woods. Don't tell me it's not manly to stay at home and let the wife bring in money. Different men do different things, and they're still considered manly.
Teddy Roosevelt was manly.
Ernest Hemingway was manly.
They don't have a whole lot in common, do they? Different styles, same result.

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Richard — Tue, 03 Dec 2013 17:11:28 -0000

The answer depends on what a man does at home. Where I'm from, there are men, even husbands and wives working in tandem, poring over computers for on-line work. They make more money than your regular blue or white collar mid-management level worker. This gives them more time with their spouse; their kids; the handyman works; and those DIY stuff that makes them feel fulfilled. Looking deeper into this, we're still dealing with traditional concepts, principles and problems but with modern means as we adjust to available technology. On the other side, a man must build a career whether if it's working at home or in the office. A man understands his core skills, builds it up, develops it, and lives by it.

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Rob — Mon, 02 Dec 2013 05:04:05 -0000

Well there is good news and bad.
The bad is your going to get divorced and have a hart attack.
The good news is a father's parenting style is beneficial for a child's physical, cognitive, emotional and behavioral development. Fathers kick ass at parenting! 85% of children with behavioral problems come from fatherless homes. 20 times the national average. SOURCE: Center for Disease Control
Not Manly.....NO. But it is bad idea to stray from the traditional family structure. There is a dam good reason why it has been this way for over 2000 years.

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

PM — Mon, 12 Aug 2013 13:58:19 -0000

I have stayed home for the past few years while finishing my degree AND felt pretty bad about it the whole time. I want to thank almost everyone, I think I did have masculinity and manliness mixed up. I have a different view after reading your posts. Thanks.

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Wazzago — Mon, 15 Jul 2013 09:45:15 -0000

GL you are hardly even worth an answer, but since you seem to be confused about what is manly and what isn´t I´ll direct this at you.
I used to be a pissant that thought doing stuff like clubbing, drinking and bagging new women all the time was manly - Now at 40+ I´ve settled down, and spend a lot of time at home with my daughter.
I have to say I´ve never felt more manly.
The shear feeling of having a small child depending on you for her nurishment, cleanliness, first education etc. gives you a boost into MANliness you cannot understand unless you experience it.

It is a sore little pissant loser that says cooking isn´t manly, tell that to Gordon Ramsay and he´ll bite your little head off.
It is pretty insecure to say that changing diapers is only for womenfolk - that only shows you cannot handle it, it isn´t a nice job... You can compare it to cleaning out a latrine, but a smaller task.
Cleaning isn´t manly?
Living in a pigsty is manly then?
Get your priorities straight before coming onto this site opening your yap at real men.

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Kent — Fri, 12 Jul 2013 04:26:22 -0000

To those who think staying home with kids is questionable. My grandfather was a rancher and farmer. And my father carried many of the habits and traits forward. I find myself now staying home with my son and working as I can with him.watching and helping. Overall my life is now not so very different than my grandfathers, I do my morning chores, fix and repair stuff, clean and care for our animals while teaching my son and teaching him life skills. Cook, clean, and also make things for sale and to better our home as well as run my small business. With that in mind I say old things become new again. Look at the lives of the old farmers, craftsman, and even Amish craftsmen. Most of these Men did their jobs and trades while helping with the children

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Jordan — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 04:02:53 -0000

Short answer; Yes, it is very manly. As stated by Jim it is very manly and shows such traits as humility; responsibility; being a good father and being a good fiance.

I think the mix up with this series is manliness vs masculinity. A lot of these things are masculine or tough (not necessarily in a good way though ) or if you would, not a feminine act. I.e. is it manly to swear? No but it is masculine.

Most of these discussions border on mistaking manliness/being a gentleman for masculinity.

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

GL — Sat, 12 Jan 2013 17:56:54 -0000

It is not "manly" to stay at home cooking, cleaning and changing diapers while your woman goes out to work. Nor is it manly to utter things like Baaahahahah.

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

JM — Wed, 09 Jan 2013 01:57:16 -0000

I'd just like to say, as a man who has served in the military, worked construction and several and very different jobs in several fields that manlieness comes from the man. I quit the rat race about 5 years ago to start my own entertainment company and work for myself while my then fiancee continued to work as a teacher. She always made more than I did and this had no effect on our relationship then, and still does not bother us now. I make decent money with my gigs but they are not always consistant. The things that are consistant however, are: her paychecks allow me to enbsure our bills are always paid on time and something is being saved every month, the general cleanlieness and order in our home is never overlooked, the chores are always done before she comes home and our toddler has better care than you would ever be able to pay for at a preschool. THEN I make dinner and go out to my gigs to make whatever money I can by doing what I love to do. That income then will supplement hers and we are living pretty comfortably with all the things we don't really need but are nice to have. These things (at least in the eyes of my wife) make me manlier than most men because I know how to have humility and humble myself to get the household things done. In return, I get the satisfaction of working for myself at my dream job, spending the formative developmental years of my daughter's life teaching her the way we would like her to be taught AND reaping the many rewards of a wife who, aside from her job, has absolutely NOTHING to stress about when she is home, and let me tell you, that is really the only reason we are so concerned with being manly, right? to attract our mates and not look like sissies? REAL MEN know how to vuccum and sew and cook and raise a child. Looking tough is usually just a front for insecure weenies with little peckers.

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

He man — Mon, 17 Dec 2012 21:39:35 -0000

Someone is gonna frown at a SAHD? Baaahahahah so the F what? Nothing wrong with staying home and caring for everything else while the lady brings home the bacon. My fiancé an I just started this out a few months ago, and our relationship has never been less stress free, she has no worries outside of the few hours she goes to work. From house to car maintenance cooking cleaning all that shhhut is cared for. All our situations are just too unique to have an accurate answer cause at the same time, I know deuches that are just worthless. I've worked my whole life since I was 16 so it's taking a bit to get used to but whatever, I'm 30 now, and I just act like I'm still at a work schedule, she works, I work, she's off, I'm off. She has her degree in nursing so it just made more sense in a lot Of ways.

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Anthony — Mon, 17 Dec 2012 04:18:35 -0000

I stay at home with my daughter during the day, and I love it. Its really nice to get so much time with her and to see her grow. At night I go to work. I work 12 hour shifts so i have half the week off. It provides me lots of time to do both.

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Deborah — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 22:23:08 -0000

Yes, I agree to a woman there is nothing ore manly then watching her husband taking care of their children. I read somewhere being a man means attending tea parties. For the simple matter that they are their being involved in the raising and upbringing process is truly important and vital to the kids themselves. I believe that the mother should not just focus on her job and leave the husband to handle it all but help as well. So you are co-parenting. If it is possible unless of course you a single dad of course then that makes it harder.

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Brandon Hamilton — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 16:30:16 -0000

I'm obviously pretty late to this converstaion, but as a Stay at Home Dad felt like posting anyway.

When my wife was offered an excellent paying job, we discussed options and decided that I would stay home with our daughter and work parttime in the evenings for supplemental income.

Since then we have been blessed with twin boys, quite manly I feel, NAyway I always wondered how it be accepted living in a small town with an older population.

I have been stopped by multiple men, mostly older guys with grown up kids. At first I thought I would be reprimanded about being lazy and get a damn job. But all of these men, mostly very manly, war vets and stuff like that, have encouraged me and said its great to see a Dad with his kids. Some of them even having a bit of regret for not spending more time with their own kids, their words not mine.

Children need strong role models, male and female, Dads, you need to spend whatever time you can with your kids. Ensuring your children have a childhood where they learn to grow up to be educated, well-rounded, caring, strong adults, well, thats probably the manliest thing you can do as a father. Whether that means you work and provide the income for your family or stay home and teach them values and skills from home. Do what you have to do to create the future generation

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Zack — Tue, 30 Oct 2012 16:00:50 -0000

Being a stay at home dad is despicable. One may as well stick one's penis between one's legs and wear a tutu.

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

deadcat42 — Sun, 28 Oct 2012 19:50:44 -0000

I see this conversation is 4 years and 4 months old, but I just found this awesome website and this conversation. I also just happened to find it on a Sunday morning when I'm solo Daddy-ing. How appropriate! I have a 4 year old son and a 4 month old daughter, I'm an AGR (active guard reserve) for a National Guard unit. I do Army stuff all week and when my wife, who is a gigging musician and private educator and a "stay-at home-mom," goes to work on the weekends, it's all me. I thought about this a lot while walking with the little girl in the stroller and my boy riding his bike in front of me. It all comes down to what you define as "manly" I guess. I had 10 days of paternity leave when my daughter was born last July, I took my son to some sort of event or to a park or something every day. I imagine that's what I would do if I were a SAHD. I got home and put the boy down for a nap and turned on Metallica and washed the dishes one-handed while holding my infant daughter in the other. I hope that's somewhat manly... I did not however, look at the most fashionable sewing patterns or knitting patterns. I didn't cook lunch in the crockpot, I cooked it on my gas bbq (in the rain! Hell Yeah!)

I have a friend in my unit who's a full time SAHD, during his days, he brews beer (he has a 12% icebock that he just finished and I have an awesome headache from it right now), he also writes and arranges music professionally, and gigs at nights when his "sugar-momma" gets home from her job. Pretty manly I think. Music is a tough industry.

There are some examples of what I would consider manly full time parenting. Now the question is what's UN-manly parenting? Does that mean it's effeminate or that it's ineffective?! I would argue ineffective stay at home Daddying would include spending your time on yourself and not on doing the job (video games, time on Facebook, watching tv all day...). Effeminate stay at home Daddying would probably include sewing patterns, crock pots (I don't ACTUALLY think that's effeminate, but my wife uses a crockpot, I bbq, just different choices), knitting, and pantyhose. If that's you're bag Daddy-O, go right ahead, it's better than ineffective parenting!

I'm still looking for what this website defines as "manly." I keep getting distracted by other cool articles!

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Adam K. — Thu, 27 Sep 2012 06:29:23 -0000

I work part time, but the bulk of my time is spent caring for my two children at home. To be honest, I am kind of on the fence on this one. On the one hand, I think being a stay-at-home dad is ultra-manly. As a father, you are absolutely on the front lines of your children's lives. You are in an ideal position to show your daughters how a true gentleman treats a lady. You also have maximum contact with your sons to teach them to been kind-yet-tough studs.
On the other hand, I have to admit that I, myself, wrestle with not being "out there" maximizing my potential and being, um, manly.
I would say that there are two paths. The one is for the man to say, "Well, I guess I have to do this. Might as well hang up my Y chromosomes." THAT is not manly. The other path is to say, "I, yes I, will raise the next generation of my family to be strong, respectful, compassionate, and excellent. And my actions will have a lasting impact on my family name for generations." That IS VERY manly. Just be prepared to sip some strong scotch or smoke a pipe or chop some wood or make passionate love to your wife at the end of the day to make sure those Y chormosomes stay awake.

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Tony — Wed, 26 Sep 2012 10:03:18 -0000

Staying at home and taking care of the children is not manly in a classical sense.

However. Providing for the family IS manly. If the family needs care more than the finance a man can provide, it's a manly decision to step up.

To a random female commenter, that said it was not manly to a female breadwinner I say - if that's the case, the particular female should not have procreated with the said man. She is not a woman for a manly man, because she does not aspire to be one.

A womanly woman will always appreciate a manly man for what he does. A manly man will always aspire to provide and care.

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Wed, 11 Aug 2010 06:05:22 -0000

i would love my husband to stay at home. i would be so proud of him. Helping out around the house. isn't that also called "Rent A Husband"?

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Luke Mooraj — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 02:30:07 -0000

This is something that I am currently struggling with. On one hand is my need to go out and provide for my family, to be the bread winner...the hunter if you will, on the other hand, I know that I need to be with my children as they mean the world to me ( my wife is busy starting up a business in another city)...I have been quite honestly, torn between satisfying my ego or looking after my kids...I know that I need to be there for the children, its just that at times I get really really depressed and let it out at my son...God, I feel like I'm drowing sometimes..I wish I could just let the ego go....but it keeps coming back!!!!!!

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Sheila Huerta — Wed, 19 May 2010 08:09:05 -0000

Staying in the house is okay when you like to watch your children. But, of course you have to find a job. If the father really wants to stay in the house he can find a home based job. Like on this book called Driving to Success: Let Your Spirit Take the Wheel. You can learn more about it here: www.spiritdriving.com/books. It will be published in May. Feel free to contact Leila if you might be interested in reviewing it for your blog.

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

sam — Fri, 14 May 2010 13:28:58 -0000

who are any of you to say what is manly. the whole thought of manly is a stupid concept. a penis makes you a man nothing else. as for evalution setting a role for a man, thats idiot idealology. it is good for one parent to stay at home and take care of the house and kids. most people don`t have that option, but if you do then you should. the biggest problem with youth in the past 50 to 60 years is the rise of single parenthood. look at the evadence, jails are full of people from a single parent family. which means there was no parent in the house to stear the child in the right direction.

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Emily — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 18:17:21 -0000

I would have to say YES, totally manly.

My dad was more of a mother to me then my actual mother ever was. He would be an *amazing* stay at home parent. He cooks better (and more often) then my mom, cleans more then her, and was basically a stay at home dad that worked outside of the home. My mom was always "tired" when she got home from her job as a teacher at an elementary school, and basically didn't do anything motheringly (she never cooked, cleaned, or anything). My dad would come home from his job (he got up at 5am most days to go to PT, and worked longer hours then she did) and did all the things you would expect of a stay at home parent (often the things associated with the mother: cooking, cleaning, child care, etc.) without fail. He also never missed anything we ever did. Soccer games, band recitals, dance classes, Girl Scout events, science and book fairs, volunteering in our classrooms, whatever.

I think any man who can work long hours all day then come home and make dinner, clean, mow the grass, walk the dog, bake cupcakes for the party at school the next day, help the kids with their homework (I can't count the number of school projects my dad helped us start and finish at 11pm the night before it was due), bathe them, read them a bedtime story, get them to bed, do the laundry, and then go to bed himself to start all over again, is more of a man then most. That's a lot of work, even without the added full time job. Being a good stay at home parent is hard work.

My dad isn't feminine in the least. He plays sports, was in the military for over 20 years, and worked on our house after Katrina ripped apart our town (he also worked to rebuild the homes of others as well). He was the go to guy in our house for jar opening, fixing stuff, etc. He knew his way around power tools and grills. He knows stuff about cars that I will never comprehend. He is also really smart. Street smart as well as book smart (he went to class full time at a university while working full time and essentially raising 3 kids by himself).

I deeply respect my dad for all he's done for us, as a father and parent in general. I hope I can find a man like him to live out my life with. Except I'm the opposite of my mother and love to cook and be with kids. I actually really want to be a SAHM and raise my children. But just because your wife is a SAHM, doesn't mean that takes away all your father duties. I hate when I hear about men who "babysit" their own children. That's parenting, not babysitting.

I'd also like to add that men who are raising only daughters are NOT less manly then men with boys. My father has raised three talented, smart girls who all have good heads on their shoulders. Girls can do anything boys can do. I'm not sure what he missed out on having daughters and not sons. (And none of us are the tomboyish, masculine girl types.) He took us to sporting events and taught us the rules of the game. He taught us how to throw footballs and shoot basketballs. And he doctored our scraped knees and wiped away our tears after failing miserably at sports. He showed us how to throw a punch but told us to never start a fight. He braved The Pink Aisle of toy stores alone to buy us Barbies. He also has passed the true test of manliness (buying tampons for your daughters), hundreds of times over. He wasn't "less manly" because he was raising girls, he isn't one of those fathers who gives into every tear and sad face, but he is nurturing and loving. I think it's about being both of those. He didn't raise the little "diva princess" girls you see running around with words like "hawt" or "sexi" on the back of their Toddler Size 4 shorts. He raised well rounded young women.

That's manly.

Plus, they say girls marry their fathers, in the sense that they pick out a life partner who has the same character traits as their fathers. If you don't want your daughter marrying some misogynic jerk who thinks women belong in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant; then you can't be a father like that. You should remember that you, as your daughter's father, are the first man she'll ever love. And as such, the standard she'll set for all the other men she has in her life.

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Shannon — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 04:05:45 -0000

As long as your family is provided for monetarily, I say spend as much time with them as possible. If not, well...
Personally, I'd rather be bringing home the bacon.

Re: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

Fireman_Bill — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 10:22:38 -0000

I have a unique situation. I do have a fulltime job, about 50 hours a week avg. I am a Fireman with a large dept in the NW. I work two 24hr shifts a week so I am home a lot. I have two boys 4yrs and 1yr. My wife is a Dental Hygeinist and works 4 days a week. Being a SAHD is defianatly a double edged sword. While I used to be able to go fishing and hiking whenever I want. I seemed emersed in Spongebob and Transformers. I now understand the plight if the stay at home MOM. We do have a sitter that watches our children on shift days (about 5-8 days a month). I can honestly say that I do not like her parenting style. She is raising 3 girls and maybe does not understand the psyche of the young male mind. That being said, what is the alternative? I guess I have to do it myself. Where else are your children supposed to learn about being a "man"? I know that in this PC and non-gender society that is being placed on our heads, that this might seem a little rash. For example...my child was at preschool and was playing with a stick. He called it a sword, a teachers asst. came up to him and took the "sword" and broke it. She said,"we don't play like that here." Why did she feel the need to snap the stick in front of a 3yrs old? Seems a little harsh to me. I guess if he was playing house, this never would have occured. Being a MAN is about taking responsibility. There are plenty of people that can father a child...how many of them stick around to raise them?