Art of Manliness - Latest Comments in So You Want To Become a Man

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

Joe — Sat, 29 Mar 2014 23:29:35 -0000

Great words for any man or boy to read. Thanks for the insight.

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

Finnish Woman — Sat, 15 Mar 2014 03:45:18 -0000

I have been with my husband for 18 yrs. Over these years: I have lived through His emotional & physical abuse, infidelity, pornography, extreme selfish financial spending, income of millions, and total bankruptcy. He is a poor husband, but Excellent Father. I'm still w/ him for the sake of our 2 children.

I absolutely agree that the true & honorable attributes of a Real Man are selflessness, consistency, & humility.

Most of the young & modern women have not experienced enough life or have not been thought to appreciate these qualities. It's quite sad!

Mr. C,
There are many women who desire to be with a man with above character traits. I'm sure that they would love to show a Virgin man what Heaven / Nirvana Is like!!

My best wishes for all you good men & may God bless you!!

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

Fri, 15 Nov 2013 05:25:40 -0000

I would like to pose a question. Would all the gentlemen who are praising this article (and it is very praiseworthy) feel the same way about the pursuit of these upstanding and outstanding character traits as the true path to manhood, if they were still virgins? You see, the message that I see and hear is that for young men this is the only thing that defines manhood for them. Can all of you honestly say that you would feel the same about this path of personal development if you had not crossed the threshold of loosing your virginity?

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

chandu — Fri, 01 Nov 2013 03:53:31 -0000

Very nice post. Reinforcing what we have seen earlier on Character her in AoM. Moral autonomy, disciple and social welfare..underlying thoughts. This post just brought these concepts out from abstractness into the realm of everyday life.

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

Kaseem Euniverez Brown — Wed, 16 Oct 2013 18:21:13 -0000

The ambition of man comes from him becoming Man, i must say i am becoming 1 so i pray to GOD that i will do a Good Job.

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

Tom S. — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 10:10:24 -0000

Good observation by Tom Y. To me for example there is nothing wrong with ego in itself. There is nothing worse than someone who is trying to be egoless who lets it be known just how egoless they are. Children are told often "good job" in order to bolster their feeling of self worth and accomplishment. Unfortunately in the adult world people are told "bad job" a lot more than is necessary and I've found it helpful to pat myself on the back and tell myself "good job" quite often especially in my very negatively oriented workplace. There's everything right about looking at one's own accomplishments and taking a glowing pride in them. "Well done" does not have to come from others in order to make one feel worthy and "trying" to be humble when recognition is deserved is not necessarily good for the development of happiness. If you have patted yourself on the back and given yourself a resounding "good job" for accomplishments it makes it a lot easier to feel pride in being a person and human being rather than worrying about being an example of perfect manhood or womanhood. Of course, strutting around like a rooster in a henhouse is the form of ego that most others do not like to see so don't get too carried away with giving credit for self worth!

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

Tom Y — Sun, 25 Nov 2012 14:56:51 -0000

The stated characteristics are, indeed, essential to being a man. However, those same characteristics are also essential to being a slave. I think that some qualification is in order.

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

Michael — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 16:00:59 -0000

A great study. These are principles i will continue to abide by for the rest of my life.

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

Gary — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 16:34:17 -0000

As a recovering alcoholic I had to find,yield to and continue to practice these principles to remain sober. It has taught me a better way of life.

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

DP — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 10:45:55 -0000

Great article. This is the article that tuned me into AoM a long time ago. I had just watched "Secondhand Lions" and in the film "Hub" gives his nephew an excerpt from the speech "Everything a boy needs to know about becoming a man" I was inspired and searched google in hopes that the entire speech existed somewhere. Unfortunately it didn't, but that search lead me to AoM, which is essentially a constantly changing ever growing version of what that speech could be. I've been greatful ever since.

Speech:

" Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good. That honour, courage and virtue mean everything ; that power and money ... money and power mean nothing. That good always triumphs over evil. And I want you to remember this.... that love....true love never dies ! Remember that boy ... remember that. Doesn't matter if it is true or not, a man should believe in those things , because those are the things worth believing in...... got that ? " - Hub (Movie: Secondhand Lions)

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

DM Cook — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 15:32:44 -0000

Fantastic thoughts, Brett & Kate. Especially the idea that "consistency is the game for pros". I'm finding myself in a rebellious phase of my life right now and realizing just how difficult--and how much more essential and meaningful-- being truly consistent, truly dependable, is. Being consistent is one of my new guiding principles, and reading that from this blog (which I've only recently discovered) is a fantastic confirmation of what I've been thinking for some time. Thank you!

And your point about selflessness and servitude-- bravo! What a concise and beautiful point: "Whether through kids or causes, becoming a man means serving someone or something greater than yourself."

The most important thing to remember is that (as others have said), many things we think of as being selfless are in fact egoic-- getting married and having kids especially. To truly evolve and "grow up", we need to stop using others to get what we want and start using and seeing ourselves as tools with which to serve others.

Great work, guys!

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

Jaime — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 00:07:14 -0000

Humility and selflessness are not necessarily qualities of a man, depending on your place in history, these might have very well been traits of chattel (women, children, and slaves). A Roman or Greek would have recognized them as such.

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

Dan — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 07:02:26 -0000

These are all apects of the personality of Jesus the Christ. He was consistent, selfless and humility was his middle name. We do what we can do for those we come in contact with during our lifetime. This is probably no more than around 500 people or so with varying amounts of influence. But Jesus was the perfect example to untold billions of christian men, believers and non-believers alike. He gave his whole life to try to save others(all who will believe) from eternal death.

He not only showed us what it means to be a real man, but also revealed to us the character and purpose of God.

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

Hamilton — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 01:37:04 -0000

I agree, humility, consistency, and selflessness are the three pillars of manhood. He who gives of their natural gifts and enthusiasm without expecting anything back in return will receive more than he can imagine. To reference an old movie, check out "It's a Wonderful Life". You rarely know how much a life well-lived effects others!

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

Rodney Hampton — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 00:31:24 -0000

You could have done an in-depth post on selflessness alone. It's an especially tricky concept to wrap your head around, particularly if you've read a lot of Ayn Rand as I have. Furthermore, there is definitely a tension between the kind of rugged individualism that Americans say they aspire to, and understanding that where we are in life has a lot to do with a lot of help (seen and unseen) we got along the way.

Additionally, the kind of honorable selflessness that has been tied up with concepts of the warrior throughout the ages is too easily exploited by, say, a government that doesn't value the sacrifices of its soldiers and spends their lives on adventures in foreign lands without a plan to bring them home again.

However, being a man isn't necessarily about selflessness in a traditional altruistic sense of the word. It's about shouldering responsibilities. Sometimes those responsibilities are put on you by circumstances beyond your control like if you're the first on the scene at an accident. Sometimes you create a duty you have to follow through on because you chose to raise your right hand and agree to serve for a term.

Sometimes your responsibilities are solely to yourself and your own sense of excellence. You set a goal and you work your tail off for it. If you reach it, great, set another goal aim higher, strive to be better. This isn't about competing with others at a certain point, it becomes about competing with yourself.

When you're first starting out, sometimes your responsibilities are pretty simple: feed, clothe and house yourself so you aren't a burden on the taxpaying men who have their head screwed on straight.

Later, if you create a situation where you've brought some little lives into this world, you've chosen to take on the additional responsibilities that fatherhood entails.

In all of these cases, from the outside it looks like you're being selfless. In actuality, many of these choices are completely selfish and are done to satisfy your own ego. What matters, however, is that once you embark on a task you see it through to completion unless it is entirely impractical to do so.

Confused as I am yet? Much of being a man, I'm certain, is likewise tangled and bundled together. When someone has the right stuff you know it. When they don't, it's just as obvious.

But, keep writing your blog posts. Maybe we can all figure it out together.

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

Mark McCullagh — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 20:19:18 -0000

Great post Cameron.

I always respect and appreciate consistency.

To be selfless and giving without expectations benefits everyone in your life.

Humility. So misunderstood and, in a sense, underrated these days. The opposite is pride. I like what you said about real men being secure in their abilities etc. If more people practiced humility, think of how much better the world would be.

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

ST @ WhataManKnows — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:29:13 -0000

Excellent observations -- great work.

Sincerely, ST

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

Zubairc C — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:24:06 -0000

Thanks for posting this. Several of your comments resonate with what was said by a Muslim scholar, Imam Sulami, in his Book of Chivalry, nearly a thousand years ago:

"Chivalry is that a young man adheres to the following code (extract from a long treatise):

1) That he brings joy to the lives of friends and meets their needs.
2) That he responds to cruelty with kindness, and does not punish an error.
3) That he does not find fault with his friends.
4) That he is relaxed and open-hearted with his brothers.
5) That he is generous.
6) That he keeps up old friendships.
7) That he looks after his friends and neighbours.
8) That he is lenient with his friends.
9) That he permits his friends to use his possessions as if they were their own.
10) That he invites guests, offers food and is hospitable.
11) That he respects his friends and shows his respect for them.
12) That he is truthful.
13) That he is satisfied with little for himself and wishes much for others.
14) That he brings joy to the lives of friends and meets their needs.
15) That he responds to cruelty with kindness, and does not punish an error."

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

Julee — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:02:12 -0000

Good work Cam. Very insightful! But, what else can we expect from such a Manly Man?!

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

Jim — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:37:42 -0000

Excellent! Boils it down to the core: selfless, consistent, humble. I'm 40 with a wife and two daughters, and often I feel like I'm still a 10-year-old kid who doesn't know his place in the world of adults.

I seem to have become a responsible adult in spite of my self-doubts. However, I still occasionally go on a search for what manhood/adulthood means (that's what led me to this site).

Discussing it with my (wonderful) wife recently, she basically said what this blog did, and told me as far as she's concerned, I meet these three criteria and that's proof enough to her that I'm a good man. Reading it here reinforces it and makes me feel good about myself (although I'll probably always be having the self-doubt).

Regards,

Jim

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

Raj — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:09:11 -0000

I really liked the post and I agree that it really means a lot of people trust one to be there for them when needed.

Dugg the post and even subscribed to Schaefers Blog :)

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

Bill — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:05:56 -0000

"t seems not, as there are plenty of boys walking around wearing the bodies of men, holding degrees, jobs and a hefty mortgage, but retaining the soul of an 8-year old."

Who says there isn't great writing on blogs?

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

wayne — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:58:02 -0000

Love the post, and totally agree. Reading it left me feeling a bit depressed though. It seems as I try to live this life of 'true manhood', I am the only one doing so while all those around me don't get it, and therefor aren't supportive. Couple that with the fact that women of our society (including our wives) can't respect our approach because they are too busy comparing us to "the type-A Johnny we often see hailed in culture as “the Man.” ", and always letting us know that we are falling short of 'that' mark. In fact, what other men think doesn't phase me that much. It's when our women don't respect this view of manhood that makes it so hard to pursue. It's enough to make you want to give up.
If you think the whole world is crazy or wrong, and you are the only one that is right, maybe you are the one that is wrong.

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

CE — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:35:05 -0000

I remember my friend's dad telling me that you get to a point in your life when you realize you're not living for your self any more - and that's a good thing. I'm starting to realizing that I'm building a world for my wife and kids and some of the most important people in my life, and I'm proud of it.

Every once in a while though - and sorry to get all Oprah - but I still need to do something for myself. It enables me to keep doing the other stuff.

Re: So You Want To Become a Man

Akshay Kapur — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:04:37 -0000

And I thought if I could down a pounder with tons of hot sauce and 10 bacon strips in one sitting, I would be a man! Way to burst my bubble!!

Love this post...especially the part of consistency and responsibility. Its tough to always be the strong arm, the pillar of someone's or many people's lives, yet as much as we complain, deep down we love the feeling of being needed for the things we care about (please...not mall shopping!).

At the same time, I believe these qualities to be essential and important in any human being, regardless of gender and race. Unlike European or Middle Eastern cultures, America questions the traits of manliness (as exhibited in this blog!) and defines itself relative to its counterpart; femininity. Yet the labels themselves imply differences and segregate the two sides.

Thinking human first, man second makes me much more aware of the societal norms we live with everyday. Its a practice I find enlightening...and practical.

Very thought-provoking post!