Art of Manliness: The Do’s & Don’ts Of a Dinner Date
Ian Millard
· 1 year ago
An excellent article - in fact, an excellent web site.
A couple of minor additions to this piece... DO If you are using a car for transportation, make sure it is clean. Dump the trash and wipe down the windows. Really listen to your date and what she has to say. Agree with her when you can, and be silent when you can't. Show interest in her activities and hobbies. The more you listen, the more you will learn about her, and the more interesting you may appear.
DON'T be judgmental about her opinions and views. Shutting her down or dismissing her concerns will bring the evening to a quick and silent end.
A clean car is a must. That's something you don't think about. Being sincerely interested in your date will help your score another date.
tommi
· 1 year ago
Clean your house, at least your bed and your bathroom, just in case it's your lucky night ;)
johnny smart pants
· 1 year ago
One Do is wrong You should not "pre-bus" your table. This is likely to make you look lower class. Your back waiter is being paid to properly service your table. anything you do to help takes away from the class of the dinner and just makes you look bad.
MissPrism
· 1 year ago
"If you do the dos, youre guaranteed to impress your date and score a second one with her."
Nonsense. She might think you're boring or unpleasant, she might just not click with your sense of humour, or she might suddenly move to Outer Mongolia. She's not a bloody vending machine.
And you might not like her, either. Surely a date should be about getting to know a person whose company you might enjoy, not following a set of rules and trying to "score" another date?
Mia
· 1 year ago
Do: be a normal, thoughtful, polite human being. Don't: be an idiot. DUH.
knytfyre
· 1 year ago
@ Johnny Smart Pants, the pre-bus of the table is a good idea. It shows that you are willing and able to share the work load, even when someone else is being paid to do the work for you. You never know, at one point she may have been a waitress and seeing you pre-bus a table will only increase her respect for you.
@ Miss Prism, you are right, there are no ways to guarantee a second date, and a date is about learning more about the person so that both parties can tell if this is someone we want to spend time with, and women are not vending machines. However following a good set of rules will not only help the fellow with his date, but in the long run these rules will become something he learns to live his life by and apply to new areas, thereby growing as a human, a man, and provider.
Deborah
· 1 year ago
As a former waiter of twelve years, I cannot state strenuously enough that pre-bussing your table is rude, waiters hate it, and if your date was a waiter at any place more fancy than Denny's, she'll hate it too. It makes you look like at least one of the following:
1. an anal control freak who can't just let the waiters do their job 2. an impatient creep who can't wait for your date to stop eating (if you get busy stacking your plates while she's still eating) 3. someone who's never been in a nice restaurant before
This is the important thing to remember about being served: let it happen graciously. Don't thank your waiter every single time he/she gives you something. Don't do anything. Seriously, the most respectful and classiest things you can do in a fine dining situation involve allowing service to happen to you:
1. In general, don't let your conversation or your body impede service. Don't keep a waiter standing around while you finish your conversation. Don't hunch over your empty plate. Allow the backwaiter to take it by sitting back in your chair. When it's time for new silverware, take your hands off the table and allow the new course to be set for you. In fact, just sit back in your chair whenever someone comes to your table. That and a good tip are the single most respectful things you can do for a waiter. 2. Unless this is deep inside your personality, don't try to befriend a waiter, and don't go asking a waiter's name and then using it all the time! This is one of those man-of-the-people tactics that backfire, big time! I 3. Say thank you twice, max. After orders are taken is a great time to say thank you. At the end of the meal, in addition to a tip is a great time to say thank you. Say thank you again if someone does something nice for you--gets you a coat, retrieves something that you dropped on the floor. But saying thank you every time you get your water topped off is a distraction from the actual date. 4. Have a really great time. Be there with your date. That's what a restaurant is for. That's what service is for. Fine dining is about allowing things to happen, about being given an experience. It's not a time for showing people how well you get on with working folks (who, in a nice restaurant may be making more than you do...), it's not a time to be helpful. You're paying handsomely for a service and should just let the service happen.
Joe
· 1 year ago
I was a waiter, and the pre-bussing is not a issue, as long as it's done right. Putting dirty stuff together without stacking is fine. Don't stack.
Novel
· 1 year ago
Do: make sure the date isn't perfect. Leave her thinking that something was missing, that there's something else she needs to see.
Ray
· 1 year ago
Do not pre-bus the table, in fact one should never move a plate or dish that is for wait staff.
Wall
· 1 year ago
RE: Open the door for your date
I was always under the impression that a man should enter a restauraunt before the lady. Thus ensuring the lady doesn't have all of the gazes of the other diners directed onto her at once.
David
· 1 year ago
Not only should you avoid "obviously" checking out other women, DON'T check out other women at all. Give your date the courtesy of 100% of your attention.
D-Roc
· 1 year ago
Pre-Bussing?
my rule is when I pre-bus the table is to just reset the salt/pepper and other stuff on the table, put my silverware on my plate and gather up paper garbage (if there is any, such as empty sugar packets, napkins, napkin bolos, etc). This also is dependent on where we are going. If it is a casual date, I tend to pre-bus more than if we go to a nice steakhouse or something like that. The other trick is to pre-bus just before leaving.
Chris
· 1 year ago
Is it also customary to stand up whenever your date gets up to go to the restroom or wherever? I've heard about doing this but never see it happen except for formal situations.
David C.
· 1 year ago
@Chris - Once upon a time, standing when a lady entered or left your presence was a time-honored tradition. These days, I think many women see it as odd or a bit creepy (mainly because it's so uncommon).
That said, James Bond does it in Casino Royale, so I don't see any reason why it shouldn't be part of our culture today. ;)
All Comments
A couple of minor additions to this piece...
DO
If you are using a car for transportation, make sure it is clean. Dump the trash and wipe down the windows.
Really listen to your date and what she has to say. Agree with her when you can, and be silent when you can't.
Show interest in her activities and hobbies. The more you listen, the more you will learn about her, and the more interesting you may appear.
DON'T
be judgmental about her opinions and views. Shutting her down or dismissing her concerns will bring the evening to a quick and silent end.
A clean car is a must. That's something you don't think about. Being sincerely interested in your date will help your score another date.
You should not "pre-bus" your table. This is likely to make you look lower class. Your back waiter is being paid to properly service your table. anything you do to help takes away from the class of the dinner and just makes you look bad.
Nonsense. She might think you're boring or unpleasant, she might just not click with your sense of humour, or she might suddenly move to Outer Mongolia. She's not a bloody vending machine.
And you might not like her, either. Surely a date should be about getting to know a person whose company you might enjoy, not following a set of rules and trying to "score" another date?
Don't: be an idiot.
DUH.
@ Miss Prism, you are right, there are no ways to guarantee a second date, and a date is about learning more about the person so that both parties can tell if this is someone we want to spend time with, and women are not vending machines. However following a good set of rules will not only help the fellow with his date, but in the long run these rules will become something he learns to live his life by and apply to new areas, thereby growing as a human, a man, and provider.
1. an anal control freak who can't just let the waiters do their job
2. an impatient creep who can't wait for your date to stop eating (if you get busy stacking your plates while she's still eating)
3. someone who's never been in a nice restaurant before
This is the important thing to remember about being served: let it happen graciously. Don't thank your waiter every single time he/she gives you something. Don't do anything. Seriously, the most respectful and classiest things you can do in a fine dining situation involve allowing service to happen to you:
1. In general, don't let your conversation or your body impede service. Don't keep a waiter standing around while you finish your conversation. Don't hunch over your empty plate. Allow the backwaiter to take it by sitting back in your chair. When it's time for new silverware, take your hands off the table and allow the new course to be set for you. In fact, just sit back in your chair whenever someone comes to your table. That and a good tip are the single most respectful things you can do for a waiter.
2. Unless this is deep inside your personality, don't try to befriend a waiter, and don't go asking a waiter's name and then using it all the time! This is one of those man-of-the-people tactics that backfire, big time! I
3. Say thank you twice, max. After orders are taken is a great time to say thank you. At the end of the meal, in addition to a tip is a great time to say thank you. Say thank you again if someone does something nice for you--gets you a coat, retrieves something that you dropped on the floor. But saying thank you every time you get your water topped off is a distraction from the actual date.
4. Have a really great time. Be there with your date. That's what a restaurant is for. That's what service is for. Fine dining is about allowing things to happen, about being given an experience. It's not a time for showing people how well you get on with working folks (who, in a nice restaurant may be making more than you do...), it's not a time to be helpful. You're paying handsomely for a service and should just let the service happen.
I was always under the impression that a man should enter a restauraunt before the lady. Thus ensuring the lady doesn't have all of the gazes of the other diners directed onto her at once.
my rule is when I pre-bus the table is to just reset the salt/pepper and other stuff on the table, put my silverware on my plate and gather up paper garbage (if there is any, such as empty sugar packets, napkins, napkin bolos, etc). This also is dependent on where we are going. If it is a casual date, I tend to pre-bus more than if we go to a nice steakhouse or something like that. The other trick is to pre-bus just before leaving.
That said, James Bond does it in Casino Royale, so I don't see any reason why it shouldn't be part of our culture today. ;)