Very nice, good post. I admit I can be guilty of some of those... I'm particularly sensitive to the small things like people standing in the middle of an isle at the supermarket blocking the passage for everyone. That really gets under my skin. Luckily, I rise up to the bigger, more severe things in life, and I don't let the anger get the better of me then. It's as if the more severe and damaging the results of losing control would be, the more strength I have to control my anger. But I undoubtedly have to learn to also be in control over smaller things. That's true and consistent tranquility.
Mark
· 1 year ago
I apologize if this turns to be a double post, but my first one didn't seem to go through:
Excellent blog post. This issue is one I've been becoming more aware of in myself and have been addressing recently. My main frustration is the little things in life. A favorite example is when someone blocks up the whole isle at the supermarket and just stares at you as you are waiting for them to move to make your way through. Those types of things get to me... a little less now than before. When there's a person that clearly has responsibility for what is going on, yet I can blame their incompetence for the problem, I tend to really lose my tranquility. This I wish to change and am slowly accepting the fact that not everyone is as self-aware when in public. I'm downright anal when it comes to ensuring that I don't get in anyones way. So, my duty to myself is to not allow such difference to affect my joy and tranquility.
Thankfully, I did get my dad's incredible tranquility when things truly matter. The bigger the situation, the more severe the damage might be if anger were to enter into the equation, the more calm I turn out to be. I don't even get angry if something truly big happens where anger would only make it bigger. I am thankful to my father for providing that type of role model behavior to me. In these circumstances he manages to zone in on the problem and instead of anger gets deep motivation and focus to tackle it and solve the issue.
I need to practice more of the former and the more I do so, I will attain a more consistent and fulfilling tranquility.
Again, thanks for the post. I love this series and will miss it when we get to 13... perhaps you may consider a refresher of one of them every 4 weeks after this initial series is done, so that we can always keep reminded. I would actually love to help with that if you'd take some help... if you can check my e-mail from this post, feel free to e-mail me. otherwise let me know and I'll contact you directly with my e-mail so we can talk. Cheers!
Andrew is getting fit
· 1 year ago
I love the story. It's one I will use.
Raj
· 1 year ago
I think I have some anger issues and I find this post really helpful. If I can follow the tips given here, I think it would reduce the chances of me suffering from high blood pressure in my 30s by at least 50%.
Btw, just wanted to let you know that clicking on the picture in the post leads to a 404 page.
Trey Morgan
· 1 year ago
Stumbled across your blog. Really enjoyed looking around. Very good stuff here.
Blessings
Santa
· 1 year ago
The story of the boy and the nails is really a great example. I may use it in the future, but I do believe that even though people have been hurt by anger and words said in anger, there is still room for restoration. Love covers a multitude of sins and I've seen it first hand with people who were so angry at one another then become the best of friends because of sincere apology. Even my own parents who went through a 3 year separation and almost ended up marrying other people, somehow they came back together and their marriage is now stronger.
Manny
· 1 year ago
This is an excellent post in an excellent series! I got turned onto this blog site mainly because of the virtuous life series that was ongoing. The virtue of tranquility really hits home for me because I have a tendency to let a lot of little annoyances bother me. And, when they bother me, they fester inside to the point where I have a boiling pot of water inside of me, exploding at any moment when someone or something taps the lid off. Little things like getting cut off in traffic and inconsiderate shoppers at the grocery store would sit in my mind because I have been expecting a utopian world where everyone is considerate and polite to everyone else. For me, changing my perspective would make a huge difference in how I react (or don't react) to these things. I surely do not want to continue letting these trivial things bother me to the point where I have to stress myself out unnecessarily. It is very unhealthy physically, mentally, and socially.
Thanks for a very well written post, one that I will refer to many times going forward.
Brett
· 1 year ago
@Mark-I have the same problem....I get angry at the little things, but I can be surprisingly calm when there are big issues to deal with. It's kind of strange, that the little annoyances in life are what can really make you lose it.
I'd like to hear more about what you have in mind for re-visiting the BF virtues. Feel free to email me: brettmckay@gmail.com
I think I might start doing "Lessons in Manliness" posts on Mondays. Different snapshots of men in history doing the right thing. We'll see.
@Santa-I actually always think the same thing about the "nails" story. True forgiveness can patch up the holes, almost like they were never there.
Derek
· 1 year ago
Just found you.
Lots of good stuff here - I'll be back.
Rodney Hampton
· 1 year ago
Tony Robbins says every time you are overcome by anger it is really because some internal rule you have has been violated. I find this to be true.
Gary Slaughter
· 1 year ago
I used to have the same problem. Crisis, calm and level-headed. Stuck drawer or tangled coat hangers, raving lunatic. I partly blame Disney cartoons, giving personalities to doorknobs, cars, hats, etc.
As a survivor of the Baby Boomer generation, I think many of us were led astray by the pop psych matra, "It's better to vent your feelings or they'll explode like a pressure cooker." Some years ago I found a better way, stop applying heat to it!!!!" Get over it. It's a disappointment, not the end of the world.
Around the same time my father gave me some good advice when I was obsessing about something shortly after my divorce. He told me that every Alcoholics Anonymous meeting begins with the Serenity Prayer. After I thought about it, I realized there is a great deal of wisdom in those three lines: Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things that I can; And the Wisdom to know the difference.
I think one sure way to learn to keep your temper is see a video of yourself when you're in full rant. Once you realized what you look like you'd never lose it again. Remember, James Bond (by this I mean Sean Connery) never lost his cool. For that matter, neither did Dr. Lecter.
Alex
· 1 year ago
I'm amazed at how curbing my anger has changed my life. Emotional intelligence and rational emotive behavior therapy works wonders! Basically, knowing your emotions, and how to influence them. For example, let's say you get yelled at for no apparent reason from somebody just because they were having a bad day. Maybe they were attacking you or your integrity. Whatever the case, most people would react with a fair amount of anger back. One of the things REBT teaches you is that it's not the actions/events that cause your emotion it is the irrational beliefs that cause them (i.e. I should never be yelled at.). Great read all around, might want to proofread before you post though...
All Comments
Excellent blog post. This issue is one I've been becoming more aware of in myself and have been addressing recently. My main frustration is the little things in life. A favorite example is when someone blocks up the whole isle at the supermarket and just stares at you as you are waiting for them to move to make your way through. Those types of things get to me... a little less now than before. When there's a person that clearly has responsibility for what is going on, yet I can blame their incompetence for the problem, I tend to really lose my tranquility. This I wish to change and am slowly accepting the fact that not everyone is as self-aware when in public. I'm downright anal when it comes to ensuring that I don't get in anyones way. So, my duty to myself is to not allow such difference to affect my joy and tranquility.
Thankfully, I did get my dad's incredible tranquility when things truly matter. The bigger the situation, the more severe the damage might be if anger were to enter into the equation, the more calm I turn out to be. I don't even get angry if something truly big happens where anger would only make it bigger. I am thankful to my father for providing that type of role model behavior to me. In these circumstances he manages to zone in on the problem and instead of anger gets deep motivation and focus to tackle it and solve the issue.
I need to practice more of the former and the more I do so, I will attain a more consistent and fulfilling tranquility.
Again, thanks for the post. I love this series and will miss it when we get to 13... perhaps you may consider a refresher of one of them every 4 weeks after this initial series is done, so that we can always keep reminded. I would actually love to help with that if you'd take some help... if you can check my e-mail from this post, feel free to e-mail me. otherwise let me know and I'll contact you directly with my e-mail so we can talk. Cheers!
Btw, just wanted to let you know that clicking on the picture in the post leads to a 404 page.
Blessings
Thanks for a very well written post, one that I will refer to many times going forward.
I'd like to hear more about what you have in mind for re-visiting the BF virtues. Feel free to email me: brettmckay@gmail.com
I think I might start doing "Lessons in Manliness" posts on Mondays. Different snapshots of men in history doing the right thing. We'll see.
@Santa-I actually always think the same thing about the "nails" story. True forgiveness can patch up the holes, almost like they were never there.
Lots of good stuff here - I'll be back.
As a survivor of the Baby Boomer generation, I think many of us were led astray by the pop psych matra, "It's better to vent your feelings or they'll explode like a pressure cooker." Some years ago I found a better way, stop applying heat to it!!!!" Get over it. It's a disappointment, not the end of the world.
Around the same time my father gave me some good advice when I was obsessing about something shortly after my divorce. He told me that every Alcoholics Anonymous meeting begins with the Serenity Prayer. After I thought about it, I realized there is a great deal of wisdom in those three lines:
Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things that I can;
And the Wisdom to know the difference.
I think one sure way to learn to keep your temper is see a video of yourself when you're in full rant. Once you realized what you look like you'd never lose it again. Remember, James Bond (by this I mean Sean Connery) never lost his cool. For that matter, neither did Dr. Lecter.